– الجنس قبل الزواج
تنبع مقولة “الجنس قبل الزواج”، أساساً، من تضخم الجنس في هذا الزمان. وما دامت عقلية الناس مجنسنة على نطاق واسع، عندها من البداهة المطالبة بالجنس قبل الزواج، ومن البداهة كل البداهة التفكير على هذا النحو.
ومقولة “الجنس قبل الزواج” لا تبدو طرحاً غريباً أو مستغرباً اليوم، فالإعلام كله يجيش لترويج السلع، والمنتجات الاستهلاكية المختلفة في إطار جنسي تتبناه المرأة دائماً، وبترحيب منقطع النظير. كذلك فإن المناخ العالمي العام المشبع بروح الحرية الجنسية، والحرية الإعلامية، أدى إلى تأجج الرغبة بالمعرفة الجنسية عند شباب وشابات هذا الزمان. يضاف إلى ذلك تقاعس الأهل عن دورهم، والتراخي العام الذي أصاب الكثيرين تجاه الاضطلاع بالشأن التربوي المتعلق بأولادهم، الأمر الذي أدى إلى ما يمكن تسميّته بالقطيعة بين الآباء والأبناء وعلى غير صعيد.
In fact, it is possible to search for a large number of factors that created what exists on the ground at this level.
الجنس قبل الزواج هو حركة معاكسة لحركة الحياة، إنه رفض لما عاشت بموجبه الشعوب في كل الأرض وما تزال. الجنس قبل الزواج يشبه إنساناً يضع العربة أمام الحصان بدل أن يكون الحصان أمام العربة ليشدّها. الجنس قبل الزواج هو دخول في المجهول، وتعرّض لنيران الجحيم التي لا تطاق. إن مقولة “الجنس قبل الزواج”، من شأنها أن تجعل الجنس هواية تمارس لا مدرسة للحياة.
لكن الجنس ليس لقمة عسل، إنه في الزواج ممزوج بالقول الكتابي “بعرق جبينك تأكل خبزك”، “وبالأوجاع تلدين البنين”، الجنس المعاصر مسألة رخيصة وسهلة وطيبة، ويستطيع كل إنسان مهما كان عمره ومهما كان وضعه ومهما كان أمره، أن يعرفه ويمارسه. لكن الجنس ليس هكذا. ولم يكن هكذا في يوم من الأيام.
– الجنس قبل الزواج خطوة غير مسؤولة
Those who demand premarital sex, or those who engage in premarital sex, usually justify their position by saying that it is natural because it is the result of love, or because it comes after love, or because there is love. That is, for these people, sex becomes a legitimate and proper matter simply because there is love.
But love alone is not the measure of the legitimacy of sexual intercourse, as it does not constitute a guarantee or promise anything. Love does not permit sex before marriage. It is just an emotion, and in many cases, it is an irresponsible emotion. Indeed, the demand for it is often a result of contemporary sexual media’s pressure on viewers.
Claiming citizenship on the basis of love (sola amour) only does not make it necessary for marriage. However, marriage remains the most complete and only framework for social love. It is the appropriate framework, because it makes men and women accountable before God and people. Thus, talking about love before marriage entails guarantee and responsibility, which is not achieved outside marriage or without marriage (25).
Marriage is a framework of responsibility, in which each party can embrace the other party, protect it, protect it from dangers, and surround it with care and attention. In marriage, a person is given every opportunity to express his alleged love, and therefore sex before marriage is not a sign of love, but rather a sign of lust that consumes its inviters and those who pursue it and brings them to the fire of hell. If you really have a great love, go ahead and legally marry your beloved.
وهنا قد ينزعج عدد كبير من الشباب، والبنات من كلماتي هذه، بحجة أن حبهم طاهر وصادق، وأنهم فيما بينهم لا يشعرون بالخطأ أو الخطيئة عندما يفكرون بالجنس قبل الزواج. وكلماتهم في العادة تكون رومنسية، هادئة، وجميلة، لا بل صادقة في أغلب الأحيان. من يدري. ولكن مشكلتهم تبقى أنهم يغفلون الزواج كإطار لحبهم، وكعلامة على صدق مشاعرهم. إن فلسفة “الجنس قبل الزواج” هي مجرد لهفة الجسد إلى الجسد، وهذا أمر منقوص لأن الشاب والفتاة في طور التعارف والخطوبة هما بحاجة ماسة إلى أن يعرف أحدهما الآخر جيداً كي تسلم حياتهما لاحقاً. من هنا يأتي الجنس قبل الزواج طرحاً في غير محله، وقبل الأوان، لا بل مبكراً جداً. وأكثر من ذلك فإن تفعيل الجنس قبل الزواج يحرم الاثنين معاً كل فرص التعارف العميق الضروري لحياتهما.
– المعرفة الجنسية معرفة لاحقة
We have grown up hearing that an honorable girl does not surrender herself, and that her heart, mind, and body are all for her man, in marriage.
But in this gendered age, sexual pressures have increased and values have changed. Sex in films is of all kinds, and television has more daring programs than before. Video today provides people with what they wish for and what they desire. Likewise, magazines, and there are many of them, do not fall outside the scope of this gendered time. People have been lost and gone astray. Sexual freedom has blinded the eyes and the hidden has become desirable. Sex will not heal unless the Taboo calls for it. Thus, demanding sex before marriage is not a valuable philosophy, but rather merely a desire whose owners seek to vent the lustful tension that is generated in them due to this time.
Sex before marriage is to extinguish a burning fire. However, sexual knowledge remains a later knowledge, a knowledge that comes late, regardless of the pressures of this time.
الجنس عنصر وحدة، وعلامة اتحاد. والكتاب المقدس ما ينفك يذكرنا بذلك في كل مرة نطالع رسالة العرس: “لذلك يترك الرجل أباه وأمه ويلازم امرأته، ويصير الاثنان جسداً واحداً”. ترى لماذا يكون الجنس علامة وحدة واتحاد بين الرجل والمرأة؟ هل الوحدة المذكورة جسدية فقط؟ هل يحققها الجنس وحسب؟
In marriage, the man and the woman enter into a unity of destiny, so that everything that concerns the man also means the woman, and the man’s happiness becomes the woman’s happiness, and the man’s sadness becomes the woman’s sadness. Man becomes a common concern and one heart, all within a framework of responsibility, commitment, and common interest.
ولكن الذين يطالبون بالجنس قبل الزواج لا يضعون الأمور في مكانها بل يطالبون بالمسألة باسم الحداثة والعصرنة، وذلك بحجة أن الزمان تغير والناس تفتحوا وما عاد بإمكانهم البقاء حيث هم. لا بل أكثر من ذلك يتهم كل من يحمل لواء الأخلاق والقيم أنه رجعي ومتخلف. ومع ذلك فالمشكلة ليست ها هنا بل تلخص بالقول التالي: “المحجوب مرغوب”. أي أن انتشار النزعة التحررية لا تتوقف، ولن تتوقف، والذين يعملون ويسلكون ويتكلمون بغير النواميس الأصلية التي تجعلهم أبناء الحياة، لن يقطفوا إلا الهواء والعدم. قد يكون المناقبيون من المتخلفين، ولكن دعاة الحرية الجوفاء هم أناس لا يسألون خبرتهم لتعلمهم.
– الجنس قبل الزواج وصمت الكبار
There is no doubt about physical chastity (26)And behind it, internal chastity is the greatest difficulty for young men and women of this time. There is also no doubt that talking about chastity is not acceptable to everyone, as chastity has become a trivial, empty word that has no meaning and is useless.
In addition, at this particular time, the younger generations tend toward behavioral independence. Without taking the guidance of adults and the guidance of wise people. In our time, few listen to the advice of adults. Indeed, we can say that the adults whom we rely on in the matter of guidance resort to silence as if the children who are theirs are not theirs and do not care about them.
The silence of adults is a terrible phenomenon. On the one hand, it is a sign that adults have nothing to say. It may also be due to the wave of liberation that has prevailed to such an extent that adults no longer find it necessary to speak. There is also a segment of adults who are rigid and do not accept flexibility and wisdom, and do not take into account the reasons for change, which makes the children in question alienate from the oppression and power of their parents, and this translates into isolation, independence, and lack of respect towards adults.
However, the silence of adults leaves children in a desert, or even on an island, which each of them leaves at his own whim and returns to it again whenever he wants. This silence is terrifying because it makes adults unable to transmit their life experience to their children. Thus we come to a terrifying phenomenon that the experience of adults is for adults, and what children experience does not take into account the experience of adults, and does not benefit from it. This is a problem and is the cause of a large number of problems. If we assume that the experience of adults is for adults, and the experience of children is shaped by the lives of children, this means that the progress of humanity has stopped, and that the coming generations have become without a past (which is known as heritage). There is also another problem, which is that it is shameful for parents to remain silent and not have anything to say to their children. It is a shame to give birth to leave your children a morsel in the mouth of the world to eat as it pleases. Therefore, if we accept the silence of adults, who will train the children to choose a profession? Who will lead their steps towards life with all its ideals? Isn't it painful to see children growing up as they please, and being influenced by the street and the bad friends in it? Isn't it painful to see a father who does not know about his children? Isn't it strange that children live without anyone telling them, based on his experience and expertise, that people's daughters are dignified, and people's sons are dignified? Who will train them in family spirit and family building? Who will tell them how a son becomes a father and a daughter becomes a mother? Therefore, who will teach them about love, how to deal with love, and how to deal with their wives in the future, based on an experience they knew at the core of their lives, their mistakes, and their aspirations? It seems to me that all these lessons are missing or incomplete, if you will, in this time. The mother often sees her son making a mistake and going astray, so she covers up his faults for him, and this is understandable, except that she has no direction, and perhaps because males have their own in this East.
– الجنس قبل الزواج، يستهلك زخم الحياة
ما من شك أن فترة التعارف بين الشاب والفتاة، بين من نسميه “الخطيب وخطيبته”، يجب أن تكون بقصد التعارف. فالتعارف، أو الدخول في معرفة شخص الآخر أو الطرف الآخر، مهم جد، فعليه يبنى الزواج السعيد.
But many people do not allow the engaged couple, even within a framework acceptable to their morals, customs and traditions, to meet to get to know each other. Many others give their males permission and make it easy for them to do what they are strict with their females. However, there is a tidal wave whose circle is expanding day after day, representing an independent trend of young men and women who do not take the guidance and presence of adults, but rather work as they please without taking into account the results. Thus, the issue of sex before marriage remains one of the important matters that tickles their depths, and they express their desire for it, and they show sweetness in dealing with it due to the absence of its flaws, despite the fact that it comes to play a destructive role in their upcoming marriage, and in the family atmosphere that they are about to accept and enter, even after a while.
Sex before marriage is not a morsel of honey that moisturizes their being, nor is it fresh water that quenches their thirst, nor is it a game with which they kill time and the overwhelming boredom that has become a part of their lives. Sex before marriage becomes a source of great concern for all negligent people. From the testimony of many who went astray and returned, we find that knowledge of sex before marriage was a source of guilt for them, without them admitting it. One of the young men who experienced great loss told me that he did not find pleasure in what he was doing because a state of fear, darkness, remorse, desertion, and uneasiness came over him all the time. This experience is not strange, it is very true because what a number of young people do lacks a proper framework and inner peace.
In addition, sex before marriage makes those who experience it lose the momentum of life, such that when they enter married life, they are lukewarm and have nothing to long for. Even more than that, many sexually liberated people who experience sex before marriage will feel that marriage itself is unnecessary. It is as if by doing this, they have reached a goal that has nothing behind it, and this is a gateway to great boredom.
In this time, young people do not seem to listen well if they hear something useful, and perhaps they do not ask to hear something useful, because freedom with wrong concepts is sweeping through their thoughts, hearts, and practices. Inner blindness sweeps through many people today, and no one pays attention to the motives or results on which this or that behavior and practice is based. A state of turmoil affects children and adults, while role models for adults are almost non-existent. Likewise, the youth have no support, and most of them are only a few who walk in obedience to God.
Sex before marriage is not the result of love, but rather a sign of emptiness and loss, a sign of consumption of the other, a sign of the destruction of the other. It is a sign that people have gone bankrupt by losing values. Sex before marriage is an ignorant game, in which financially minors who are in need of their parents’ money act as if they were economically independent adults. The issue is not economic at all, but those who want to act in this way must realize that the child who acts as if he is old must be truly great and financially independent from his family. The one who behaves as if he is like his father is a short-sighted person if he is in dire need of... His parents support him.
It is as if most young people today say, and this is their language: The sex is from me, and the money and the car are from my family.
As we deal with sex before marriage, we are dealing with an issue that has not yet reached a devastating, cancerous level in our country, but it is an issue that is likely to lead to more explosions and crises. We don't realize the danger of a knife, unless it cuts us. Those who engage in sex before marriage will not hesitate before their energies are wasted and hope and meaning are drained from their souls. There is more corruption, more evil, more ignorance, and more prices. This is because the contemporary media incites violently, calling for sexual freedom. Media pressure continues, victims are falling here and there, people are unaware, and yet superficial people insist that modern, gendered behaviors are civilization itself. This is all stupidity.
In addition, what encourages sex before marriage, and in our time in particular, is the development of various contraceptive methods that have contributed to making the sexual act far from being exposed. The media, especially in our country, has become very bold, as it presents various methods of pregnancy and stresses their necessity because they protect against the risks of transmitting AIDS. Indeed, what a directive that calls on people to use various contraceptives, including condoms. In my opinion, these are things that facilitate chaos, and do not constitute a scientific solution to the ills of this time. However, no one speaks about this matter, as if the country remained silent and loved the story of the people of the cave.
People will remain in their error and misguidance. They will remain as they are until an hour we do not know. People will stay in Zigan. The voice of conscience will remain weak, hearts will remain submissive, as people are in emptiness, boredom, and fearful of poverty, the future, and the unknown.
People hang on to the ropes of the air, as the saying goes, and each of them has his reasons for this or that behavior. But blessed are the eyes that see and the ears that hear. Congratulations to the souls that do not break out and nothing can destroy or corrupt them. Congratulations to everyone who knows his role and mission. Congratulations to the father if he knows what his fatherhood requires, and to the mother if she knows that she is a teacher for her children and a support for her husband. Congratulations to every soul who can be content with knowledge and work, and be guided by advice and love. Blessed is he who knows that he was born for life, not for death. Congratulations to every soul who sees in the love of the Lord the source of beauty and virtue, because the beginning of wisdom is the fear of God.
– الجنس قبل الزواج يحول دون التفاهم والتعاون بين الشاب والفتاة
When lovers are preoccupied with sex, this may prevent the completion of the conditions for preparation for marriage, which results, especially after marriage, in surprises, clashes, conflicts, and states of anger, excitement, and fighting that may lead both parties to destruction. Therefore, young men and women must put aside sexual obsession, even though apparent or physical admiration remains in their relationship. In other words, sex must be reduced, not with the intention of forgetting it, but with the intention of looking at it in its natural size.
Here some people may want to ask the following question: We want with all our hearts to achieve true happiness, and we realize at the core that a state of anxiety and turmoil afflicts us and hurts us when we seek to create a lustful, even sexual, atmosphere in the encounter. Therefore, we longingly desire a balanced relationship that brings us and our relationships to the righteousness of faith, so what should we do?
If such a question is asked by lovers who are in love, then this is, in my view, a sign of sobriety and balance, and a sign of good health, even though it suggests that the sexual obsession is present and active. This is not a problem. The problem is not with sex itself, but rather with the way you deal with it. Those who do not covet the comfort, safety, tranquility, and continued bliss of the beloved may escalate sex, due to their overwhelming desire for him, without realizing the necessity of taking into account the other party’s feelings, feelings, condition, desire, comfort, and peace. Meeting lovers does not necessarily mean that they are having a sex date. It is true that some sexual freedom has begun to increase in our country, but we are not obligated to submit to what harms our relationship, as reason comes before sex. Those who abuse sex excessively are in a state like that of someone walking aimlessly in a dense fog. Concerning this particular point, we must say that sex has risks that we must pay attention to lest we fall into them and pay the bill.
But lovers increase, because adolescence retreats back to childhood. Today, humans develop physically at an early age, and the media comes to complement what is lacking. Hence, we feel that talking about exercising the mind before falling into sexual labyrinths may not be possible due to young age, especially if the lover is fifteen years old. Here, the parents must fully assume their responsibility, otherwise the children will go astray and slide into the abyss. My words to parents and young people are always: Sex is not everything. It is not the face of civilization, modernity and sophistication. It is true that humans do not have a seasonal rhythm that limits their sexual instinct as is the case with animals, but it is also true that sex is not everything, so dealing with it cannot be done without attention and reason. So let the parents let it end, and let them treat their children with great love and great embrace.
ولكن مع الأسف ربما يقبل الشباب على اختيار هذه أو تلك من الفتيات بمقدار ما عند هذه وتلك مما يشد القلب ويثير الإعجاب ويحرك الجسد. وللتربية والبيئة دور في إطلالة هذه وفتور تلك. ولكن مع ذلك علينا أن ننشغل بالصفات الشخصية والصفات التي نتطلع إليها في زوجة المستقبل. علينا أن نكون على درجة من الوعي تسمح لنا بمساعدة الفتاة كي تحب هي أيضاً الصفات التي تحب وتتمنى، في زوج المستقبل. والتعارف لا يعني أن نسأل الفتاة أين تسكن وما نوع السيارة التي تريد و … وإنما هو أن نعالج مشاكلنا ونكشف ما عندنا، وذلك من أجل بنيان حياتنا وضمان السعادة لحاضرنا ومستقبلنا. التعارف يعني أن ترعى المستقبل من الآن. وفي قناعتي أن هذا المشوار نفسه قد لا يأتي إلى نهاية محمودة بدون مرشد، الأمر الذي أراه ضرورة ملحة. لا بد أولاً من تحجيم الجنس ليس فقط في فترة التعارف بل أيضاً بعد الزواج.
I am afraid when I see young men and women dealing with life issues, especially sex, lightly and recklessly. Dealing with life is not this way, and life is not safe for us if we neglect its laws.
Our problem with this time is that people treat life as if it were just a bunch of pleasures that must be picked and savored. Perhaps because things are so naive, people have to pay a high price in order for things to be conducted according to the standards by which they were set. Recklessness only brings about recklessness, and stupidity is the price of stupidity, and whoever sows the wind will only reap the storm.
أخيراً لا آخراً أريد أن أقول أن جماعة المتزوجين يعرفون جيداً أن إيقاعات الجنس تتغير واللهفة تتغير والأحاسيس تتبدل، مع الزمن. إنهم يعرفون جيداً أن الجنس والنضارة عرضة للتبدل والزوال. وقد سمعت بعض المتزوجون يقولون صراحة أنه لولا الاعتبارات الأدبية والاجتماعية والإنسانية والتربوية، لعدلوا عما هم عليه، وعادوا إلى حظيرة العازبين، إلى رحاب الحرية غير المسؤولة التي لا يقيدها شيء، ولا يردعها رادع أو وازع. أليس بين المتزوجين أيضاً كثيرون ممن يحسدون العازبين على حالتهم؟ ولكن أليس أيضاً بين العازبين من يحسدون المتزوجين على حالتهم؟ ولكن أليس أيضاً بين العازبين من يحسدون المتزوجين على ما تصل إليه رغباتهم؟ يا للتناقض والمفارقة! وإذا كان معنى الحياة لا يدرك إلا بمذاقة الجنس، فبئس المصير عند المتزوجين الذين يفقدون رفيق الدرب فيترملون. نحن كثيراً ما ننسى هذه الحقائق التي لا نبلغها إلا بالهدوء والسكينة. لا نبلغها إلا في التأمل الصافي. كثيراً ما ننسى الحقيقة عندما ننهمك بتجميل الجسد وتجميل الجنس. كثيراً ما ننسى أن للحياة نهاية، وأن هذه النهاية قد تكون مباغتة تتبخر معها الأحلام والآمال. إن تجميل الجنس والجسد في حياة تنتهي حتماً لكننا لا نعرف متى، هو غباء كبير، وعلامة على قصر النظر. وبولس الإلهي لم يكن غبياً أبداً بل كان حكيماً جداً عندما قال: “… أيها الأخوة، الوقت منذ الآن مقصّر، لكي يكون الذين لهم نساء كأن ليس لهم (27). والذين يبكون كأنهم لا يبكون … والذين يستعملون هذا العالم، كأنهم لا يستعملونه، لأن هيئة هذا العالم تزول” (1كور7: 29-31). وهذا يعني بصدد ما نحن فيه، لأنه لا يجوز أن نعبد الجنس ونؤله الجسد فنلونه ونستعبد لتقنيات العلاقة الجنسية التي يضخمها الإعلام المجنسن إلى حد تذويب المقاومة عند الإنسان. لا يجوز أن نركع أمام إيحاءات التجار العصريين، الذين يحركون الشهوات ليستعبدوا الناس ويجمعوا المال.
The divine Paul knew the meaning of love without being married (Romans 8:38-39). For him, the meaning of love is not measured by marriage or singleness, but rather it is entirely in the giving of the heart to God. If love were lived only in marriage, single people would be ignorant strangers. If the meaning of love was to be lived in celibacy, families would be a barren desert with no greenery or water. What is strange is that we do not see the meaning of love in a family that knows factional feelings and is only concerned with loving those with whom it is related by flesh and blood. The meaning of love in the Church is not based only on the Kronstadt model, nor is it limited to those who are modeled only on Saint Anthony the Great. The meaning of love is not in the social situation, but rather it is all in the knowledge of Jesus Christ, who alone reveals the meaning of love and the meaning of existence, because he alone can lead us to the fullness of life, for he alone is the way, the truth, and the life.
(25) The girl desperately needs a guarantee. Ask her and she will tell you her true feelings. Love may be like a game and lust for a young man, but Eve is sincere in her love. However, Eve seems to have lost herself in what she is doing on both the small and big screens.
(26) I used to still desire and wish for a woman to cross in the street without men looking at her. Jihad against the evil eye or to purify the evil eye is more difficult than waging a battle. Victory over Al Ain is greater than winning the spoils of all wars.
(27) It is not easy to understand the words of the Prophet in our gendered age. However, these words do not mean that a man should divorce his wife, or a woman should divorce her husband. These words, in short, mean that the couple should draw closer to God so that they may have father, mother, and everything. Nothing lasts, except God and his loved ones.