As long as I moved from place to place, I was accompanied by the Jesus prayer, which strengthened and comforted me on all paths, at every time and in every contact with people. At last it seemed to me that I should stop somewhere, so that I might have greater solitude, to study the Philokalia, which I could only read in the evening, when I stopped to sleep, or during the afternoon rest. There was an urgent desire in me that led me to delve into it for a long time, to draw from it with faith the truth of the teaching related to the salvation of the soul, through the prayer of the heart. However, unfortunately, I was not able to do any manual work. In order to be able to satisfy this desire of mine: my left arm has been paralyzed since my childhood. Since I could not stay anywhere, I went to the Siberian country and went to the shrine of Saint Inocandius of Irkutsk. (1) I hope that I will find more tranquility in the plains and forests of Siberia, so that I can devote myself to reading and praying more easily. And so I continued to say my prayers without interruption.

It was not long before I felt the prayer moving, of its own accord, to my heart: that is, my heart, beating regularly, was as if repeating to itself the words of the holy prayer accompanying every beat: 1- O Lord, 2- Jesus, 3- Christ... Etc. No longer moving my lips, I listened attentively to what my heart was saying, experiencing, in doing so, the joy that Starts had told me about. Then I felt a slight pain in my heart, and a love for Jesus in my heart that was so intense that I imagined that if I saw him, I would fall to his feet, hold them, kiss them, and wash them with my tears, thanking him for the consolation he gives us, in his name, for his goodness and his love for his guilty, undeserving creation.

Soon, a warm warmth flooded my heart and filled my insides, which led me to carefully read the Philokalia to verify the authenticity of these feelings and study the development of the heart’s inner prayer. Without this return to the Philokalia, I was afraid that I would fall into illusions, and that I would consider the work of nature to be the work of divine grace, and that I would become arrogant because I quickly achieved inner prayer, and the Starts warned me against that. So, I would walk at night especially, and spend the day reading the Philokalia, sitting under the trees, in the forests. How many new, profound and unknown things I discovered in my reading! I was experiencing a bliss that I could not have imagined before. There is no doubt that my limited mind failed to understand some passages, but the effect of the prayer of the heart was to remove the ambiguity of what was troubling me. In addition, I would often see Starts in a dream, and he would explain to me much of what was difficult to understand, and direct my poor understanding self to humility and contrition.

I spent two long summer months in this very blissful state, especially striving through the woods and fields. When I reached a village, I would fill my bag with bread and a handful of salt, fill my little waterskin with water, and then set out again on a journey of a hundred farsakhs.

The tourist and the two thieves (2)

The temptations arose at the end of the summer, and it was, no doubt, either due to the sins of my petrified soul or for my progress in spiritual life. This is what happened: One evening I went out of the forest to the public road, and I met two men who looked like soldiers. They asked me for money, and when I told them that I had no money at all, they did not believe me, but shouted at me fiercely:

- You lie! Tourists make a lot of money! One of them added: (Long conversations with him are of no use), and he hit me on the head with his club, and I fell to the ground, unconscious.

I don't know if I had been like this for long, but when I came to my senses, I saw that I was in the woods, near the roads. My clothes were torn, my bag was gone, and all that remained of it were the ends of the strings that were holding it to me. However, thank God, the two thieves did not steal my passport - and I used to keep it in my old hood, to present it quickly if necessary. I stood up and cried bitterly over my books and the Philokalia that were in the stolen bag, without any pain from what happened to my body. I cried all day and all night. Where is my Bible, which I have been reading since I was a child, and which was always with me? Where is the Philokalia from which I derived knowledge and comfort? How miserable I am! I lost the only treasure of my life, without quenching my thirst for it! I would rather die than live without spiritual nourishment. I will never be able to make up for it with my life.

I could not walk for two days except with great effort, due to my extreme sadness. On the third day, my strength failed and I fell near a bush and fell asleep. In a dream, I saw myself in the rite, in the cell of the Starts, crying my sorrows in his hands as he consoled me. Then he said to me: Let what happened to you be a lesson for asceticism in worldly matters, so that you may go towards heaven, freed from all. Restriction. You have endured this ordeal in order not to stumble upon spiritual pleasure. God asks the Christian to abandon his personal will and all attachment to it in order to surrender completely to the divine will. Everything that God Almighty does is for the good and salvation of man. He “wants all people to be saved” (1 Timothy 2:4). So arm yourself with courage and trust that “God is faithful and will not allow you to be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he provides a way out” (1 Corinthians 10:13). You will soon receive a consolation greater than all the pain that befell you.

Upon hearing these words, I woke up and felt new strength creeping through me. I felt the dawn of a new stillness descending upon my soul and I said: May God’s will be done! Then she got up, made the sign of the cross, and set off.

Prayer began to work in my heart again as before, so I walked for three days calmly and at peace of mind. Suddenly, I encountered a group of prisoners sentenced to hard labor, walking under the guard of some soldiers. When I arrived next to them, I saw the two men who had robbed me, who were walking at the end of the line, so I fell at their feet, begging them to tell me where my books were. They ignored me at first, then one of them said to me: If you give us something, we will tell you where your books are: We need a silver ruble. So I swore that I would give them what they asked for, even if I had to beg, and I said:

- Here you are! Take my passport. If you want, mortgage. They told me that my books were in one of the carts, along with other stolen items that had been taken from them. So I asked them:

– How can I get it?

- Ask the head of the guard.

So I hurried to the president and told him the story in detail. He asked me, in the course of the conversation, if I could read the Bible. I replied:

-I not only read, but also write. You will see an inscription on the Bible indicating that it is mine, and here, in my passport, is my name and surname. The president said to me:

These two thieves were deserting soldiers. They lived in a hut and robbed passers-by. They were arrested yesterday by a powerful rickshaw driver, who were trying to rob him of his rickshaw. I will gladly give you your books, if we have them, but you must accompany us to our next stop, which is only four leagues away: for I cannot stop the whole procession for you.

I happily walked alongside the president's horse, engaging him in conversation, and found that he was an honorable and kind man who had passed the stage of youth. He asked me who I was, where I came from and where I was going, and I answered him honestly. And so we reached the situation, so he went and brought my books and gave them to me, saying: Where do you want to go now? The night has come, why don't you stay with me?

And I stayed. My happiness at getting my books back was so intense, that I would not stop thanking God. I would hold the books close to my heart until my arms would cramp, tears of joy would flow from my eyes, and my heart would beat with sweet joy.

The president said to me while looking at me: I see that you like to read the Bible.

I could not think of an answer, due to my extreme joy, but I began to cry, so he continued: I also, my brother, read the Bible carefully every day. He said this and then revealed in his official uniform a copy of the Kiev Bible with a silver border.

Sit down and I will tell you how I acquired the habit of reading the Bible.

- Oh boy! Bring us dinner!

Officer's story

We sat around the table and the officer began his story. He said:

Since my youth, I have been serving in the army, but I have never been stationed in a barracks for a single day. I was familiar with the minutes of service, which made my superiors consider me an exemplary soldier. But I was young, and so were my friends. Unfortunately for me, I became accustomed to drinking alcohol, and I used it to the point that it made me sick. I was an excellent officer, unless I was close to being a redhead. If I drank, even a little, I had to stay in bed for six weeks. They tolerated me for a long time, but in the end they demoted me for insulting one of my superiors while I was drunk. I was sentenced to serve three years as a stationary in a barracks, and I was threatened with severe punishment if I did not stop drinking.

In this shameful state, I tried in vain to abstain from intoxicants and seek treatment, but I was unable to get rid of my reprehensible habit, so it was decided to send me to the disciplinary teams. I did not know what would happen to me when this news came to me.

One day, I was sitting in the dormitory thinking about all of this, when a monk was coming, collecting gifts and donations for one of the churches. Everyone present gave what they could, and when he reached near me, he asked me: What are you sad about?

So I talked to him a little and told him about my misfortune. The monk took pity on my condition and said to me: Exactly the same thing happened to my brother, so listen to how he managed to get rid of drinking: His spiritual guide gave him a Bible and instructed him to read a chapter from it whenever he felt the desire to drink, and if the desire returned, he had to read the next chapter. My brother followed this advice, and it did not take long for him to give up his habit. Fifteen years have passed without him tasting the intoxicant. So do what he did and you will see the benefits you gain. I have a Bible, I will give it to you if you want.

So I said to him: What do you want me to do with your Bible? Do you think it is more effective and beneficial for me than the efforts you have made and the medical methods you have used to prevent me from drinking alcohol? (I said this because I had never read the Bible.)

The monk replied: Don't talk like that. I assure you that you will find great benefit in it.

The next day, the monk actually gave me this Gospel that you see. I opened it, looked at it, read a few sentences, and said to the monk: I do not need your Bible, as I will not be able to read it when it is written in the language of the church. (3)

The monk continued to urge me to read the Bible, saying that there is a good force in its words, for God himself is the one who spoke the words that we see printed in it. He added: It's okay not to understand now, but you have to read carefully. One of the saints said: (If you do not understand the words of God, then the devils will understand what you read, and they will tremble at him) (James 2:19). There is no doubt that the desire to drink is the work of Satan. John Chrysostom said: The house that contains the Gospel is not intimidated by the forces of darkness and does not constitute an obstacle that thwarts their evil endeavors.

I don't remember exactly what happened after that - perhaps I gave that monk some money - took his Bible, and put it in my closet, along with my belongings. Then I completely forgot about it. Some time passed, and the desire for strong drink came back and insisted on me, so I looked at the Gospel, and suddenly remembered everything the monk had said to me, so I opened the book and began reading the first chapter of the Gospel of Matthew. I read it until the end without understanding anything from it, but I remembered what the monk told me: It is okay if I do not understand, I just have to read carefully. So I thought to myself: Why not read another chapter? Its meanings seemed clear to me. I said: Let us read the third chapter: I had not begun to read it until the guard’s voice rose, indicating that the night had fallen, and no one was yet allowed to leave the barracks. So, that day, I remained without drinking alcohol.

Tomorrow morning, I was about to go out to buy wine, so I said to myself: What if I read a chapter from the Bible? Let's try. I read a chapter and stayed in the barracks. On another occasion, the desire to drink arose in me, but I began to read and felt comfortable, and my mind was at ease, so whenever my urge woke up, I would devour a chapter from the Bible. My condition improved over time, and by the time I finished the four Gospels, I no longer had the slightest inclination to drink wine, and I became stone-faced towards it. Now, twenty years have passed during which I have not tasted an intoxicating drink.

Everyone was amazed at the change that occurred in me, so I was restored to my previous rank as an officer after three years, then I was promoted and became president. I got married, and God blessed me with a good woman. We saved some money together. Our situation now, praise be to God, is okay: we help the poor as much as we can and host tourists and hikers. I have a son who has become an officer, and he is one of the good young men. I have made a pledge to myself since my recovery: to read the entire four Gospels every day, for the rest of my life, without accepting any excuse for myself as an obstacle to reading, and I stand by the pledge. When I become too busy and feel extremely tired, I lie down in bed and ask my wife or son to read the Bible next to me, so I do not deviate from the plan I have set for myself. I bound this Bible with two tambourines of pure silver, and I always carry it on my chest in gratitude for God’s kindness to me and in glorification of His holy name.

I listened with pleasure to the officer’s speech, and then I said to him: I encountered a situation similar to yours: in our village, in the factory, there was an excellent worker who was very proficient in his profession, but, unfortunately for him, he was abusing alcohol. He used it a lot, so one of the pious people advised him to recite the Sweet Jesus Prayer thirty-three times (i.e. the number of years of Jesus’ life on earth) in honor of the Holy Trinity whenever he felt a desire for intoxication. He took this advice and soon stopped drinking. Even more beautiful than this is that he entered the monastery three years after that.

The president asked: What is better: the Jesus prayer or the Bible?

I answered him: Both: The Gospel is like the Jesus prayer because the divine name of Jesus Christ includes all the truths in the Gospel. The Church Fathers believe that the Jesus prayer is the summary of the entire Gospel.

Then we prayed. The officer began reading the Gospel of Mark from the beginning while I listened to him praying with thought. The President finished his reading at two in the morning and then we parted ways to sleep.

I woke up early in the morning, as was my custom, and everyone was asleep, and I immersed myself in reading my dear book: The Philokalia, as dawn came. How happy I was when I opened it! I was like someone who found a father after a long absence and a friend who was resurrected alive! I made myself accept the book and thank God for getting it back.

I began reading Theolept, Bishop of Philadelphia (4) In the second section of the Philokalia. It surprised me that he recommends doing three types of work at the same time. He said: When you sit at the table, give your body strength, your soul reading, and your heart prayer. However, the useful memory of yesterday's evening included a practical explanation for this saying. Then I understood the secret of the difference between the heart and the soul.

I went to the officer when he woke up, thanked him for his generosity and said goodbye. He made me drink some tea, gave me a silver ruble, and we parted. I continued on my way, filled with joy.

When I had traveled a league, I remembered that I had promised the two soldiers a ruble, which I now had. Should it be given to them or not? On the one hand, they beat me and robbed me, and they cannot attack me now because they are under arrest. However, on the other hand, I mentioned what was stated in the Holy Bible that “If your enemy is hungry, feed him” (Romans 12:20). Jesus himself said: (Love your enemies) (Matthew 5:44), and he also said: (Whoever wants to take your cloak, leave him your cloak also) (Matthew 5:40). Convinced by the words of the Holy Bible, I returned back and reached the station when the convoy was about to depart. So I ran to the two thieves and greeted them with Robley, saying: Pray and repent, for Jesus Christ is a lover of mankind, and he will not leave you.

Accordingly, I left them and returned to walking in the opposite direction to the direction the procession was intended to take.

isolation

I left the main road, after I had crossed it a distance of fifty farsakhs, and started taking the small paths because of the large number of passersby on them, as it was conducive to quietness for reading and contemplation. I walked for a long time in the forests, and from time to time I passed some small villages. I often spent my day in the forest, reading the Philokalia in the shade of its trees, and I derived from this book a lot of wonderful and profound knowledge. My heart was inflamed with my longing for my union with God through inner prayer, which I worked hard to study and monitor its effect on me, as stated in the Philokalia. At the same time, it was sad to me that I had not found a shelter where I could read in peace and continuously.

At that time, I was reading the Bible, and I felt that I understood it better than before: I found fewer ambiguous passages in it than I had encountered before. The Fathers are right when they see that the Philokalia is the key that reveals the hidden things hidden in the Holy Bible. In its light, I began to understand the meanings of God’s words that were hidden from me, and I discovered what phrases like these mean: “…the hidden man of the heart” (1 Peter 3:4). (...true worshipers worship the Father in spirit and in truth) (John 4:23), (the kingdom of God is within you) (Luke 17:21), and (the intercession of the Holy Spirit) (Romans 8:26). I also began to understand the meaning of these words: (You are in Me) (John 15:4), (Give me your heart) (Proverbs 23:26), (Cloaked in Christ) (Romans 13:14) and (Galatians 3:27), (The wedding of the Spirit in our hearts) (Revelation 22:17), and the call (Abba, Father) (Romans 8:15-16) and the meaning of many others. When I was praying internally, everything surrounding me seemed beautiful to me: the trees, the herbs, the birds, the earth, the light, and the air. It was as if they were all telling me that they were created for the sake of man. They testified to God’s love for people, so everything was praising God. Thus, I realized what the Philokalia calls: (knowing the language of creation) and I knew how humans can exchange conversations with God’s creatures.

The story of the forest warden

I walked like this for a long time until I ended up wandering into a deserted area where I did not see any village in three days. I had eaten all my bread, so I began to wonder anxiously what I could do so that I would not die of hunger. However, as soon as I began intellectual prayer, my anxiety dissipated and I surrendered to God’s will, and joy and reassurance entered me.

A short while ago, I was walking on a road through a large forest when I saw a guard dog in front of me emerging from the trees. I called him and he came meekly and accepted my caresses. I was happy and said: How generous is God! There is no doubt that there is a herd grazing in the forest, and this is a shepherd’s dog, or perhaps a hunter is chasing some game in these areas. In any case, I will be able to ask for some bread, as I have spent two days without food, or perhaps I will ask if there is anyone there. Nearby village. The dog circled around me, and when he saw that I had nothing to eat, he fled into the forest from the same path from which he jumped to the road. So I followed him and saw him through the trees after a distance of two hundred meters, sitting in a den, his head sticking out of it, barking.

From the shadows of the trees I saw a villager approaching, a thin, pale, middle-aged man. He asked me how I found him, so I asked him what he was doing in this desolate place, and we exchanged some friendly conversations. Then the villager invited me to enter his hut and told me that he was the forest warden, and he had to guard this forest whose trees would soon be cut down. He gave me bread and salt and we talked. I told him: I envy you for your isolation. You are not like me, always on the road and in constant contact with people.

He said: You can, if you want, live here. Nearby, there is an old hut that used to be inhabited by a tribal guard. It's a bit rundown, but in the summer it's habitable. do you have a passport. I have enough bread for two people, so every week some of it is brought to me from the village. Here we are near the stream whose water never runs out. Ten years have passed, brother, during which my food was limited to bread and my drink was water. But in the fall, when the work in the fields is finished, two hundred men will come here to cut down the trees and I will no longer have anything to do here, and you will not be allowed to stay.

When I heard this, my joy became so intense that I almost fell at the feet of my interlocutor. I did not know how to thank God for his compassion and mercy.

Suddenly I have everything I desire and everything I care about. We still have four months until mid-autumn, and I can benefit from this time of stillness and calm to study continuous intellectual prayer with the help of the Philokalia. So I decided to stay in the aforementioned hut. We continued our conversation, and this simple brother narrated to me his life and thoughts. He said:

I was not the last person in my village. I had a profession: I dyed fabrics red and blue. I made a decent living, but not without blame. I used to cheat my clients and swear on every occasion, and I was rude, drunk, and unruly. There was an old cantor in the village who had an old book. Too old for Judgment Day (5). The psalmist often visited the believers to read it to their ears, and people would give him some money for that. Sometimes he came to me too. They gave it to him, often. Some dirhams read until the rooster crows. One time, I was working while listening to him: he was reading a passage about the torments of hell and the resurrection of the dead and how God will judge people and how angels will blow trumpets and what will be fire and tar and how the worms will eat sinners. Suddenly, a terrifying fear came over me, and I said to myself: I will not survive this torment! Oh! I will begin by seeking to redeem myself and perhaps achieve atonement for my sins. So I thought for a long time and decided to leave my profession. So I sold my house. When I lived alone, I became a forest guard. I did not ask for a salary other than bread, a blanket to cover myself with, and candles to light when I prayed.

I have been living here for more than ten years, eating only once a day and only eating bread and water. Every night, I get up at the rooster crow, kneel down, prostrate and pray until sunrise. When I pray, I light seven candles in front of the icons. During the day, when I walk in the forest, I carry chains weighing fifteen kilograms on my skin. I do not swear now, I do not drink beer or wine, I do not quarrel with anyone, and I never know women or prostitutes.

At first I was satisfied with my life this way, but later thoughts crowded within me that I could not expel. God knows if I can atone for my sins, but my life has been difficult and difficult. And yet, is what the book narrated true? How can a person rise from the dead? Those who died a hundred years or more ago even their dust disappeared. Who knows: is there hell or not? In any case, no one ever returns from the other world: when a person dies, his body stinks and decomposes, leaving no trace of him behind. This book may have been written by clerics or state officials to terrorize us fools and make us more subservient to them. This is how we are miserable with our life on earth and we have no consolation, and in the second life there will be nothing! So what is piety and what is asceticism? Or is it not better for a person to have some amusement in this life? To enjoy it? Then he added: These thoughts haunt me and I fear that I will have to return to my first profession.

I felt sorry for the man and felt sorry for him, and these thoughts came to my mind: People claim that only scholars and intellectuals are atheists and do not believe in anything, but our simple peasant brothers, in what disbelief they are also involved! There is no doubt that the forces of darkness affect everyone, and perhaps they find it easy to attack the simple. We must use our reason as much as we can, and protect ourselves with the Word of God from the tricks of Satan and his angels.

I wanted to encourage this brother a little and confirm his faith, so I took the Philokalia out of my bag and opened it in the one hundred and ninth chapter of the blessed Ezychios. (6). So I read the chapter and explained to my companion that a person does not pardon sin simply because he is afraid of punishment. The soul cannot be freed from evil thoughts except by awakening the spirit and purity of the heart. Rather, all of this is gained through internal prayer, and I added, saying:

- If a person follows the path of austerity, not out of fear of the painful torment of Hell, but even out of a desire for the Kingdom of Heaven, then he works as a worker does, according to the analogy of the fathers, who say: Fear of torment is the way of the servant, and greed for reward is the way of the worker. But God wants us to come to Him as children. He wants love and zeal to move us to appropriate behavior and to enjoy complete union with Him in spirit and in heart. (7). In vain do you exhaust your strength and impose upon yourself the harshest mortifications and torments of the body. You will not be safe from evil thoughts unless God is always in your thoughts and the Jesus prayer is in your heart. Indeed, you are always on the verge of falling into sin at the first opportunity. So, brother, begin repeating the Jesus Prayer without interruption: it is an easy matter for you in this isolation, and you will soon see the benefit of this prayer. Thoughts of disbelief will disappear, and faith in and love for Jesus Christ will become clear before you, and you will understand how the dead can be raised and the coming judgment will appear to you for what it is. Spirit and joy will fill your heart that will amaze you, and you will not become bored or anxious because of the life of repentance that you will live.

Then I explained to him as much as I could, explaining how to perform the Jesus Prayer according to the divine commandment and the teachings of the fathers. It seemed to him that this was what he wanted most, and his anxiety eased. Then I moved away from him and entered the old hut that the guard had shown me to.

Spiritual works

God! What great joy, what great consolation and bliss I felt when I crossed the threshold of this dark place, or rather this grave! To me, it was like a magnificent palace full of love, and I said to myself: I must now, in this peace and tranquility, get active for work and pray that the Lord will enlighten my mind. Therefore, I began reading the Philokalia from beginning to end with great attention. I finished reading it after a short period of time, and realized the wisdom, depth, and holiness in it. But the book deals with many different topics, and I was not able to understand everything or focus all the energies of my mind on teaching internal prayer alone, so that I could attain permanent, automatic prayer within the heart, despite my intense desire for that, in accordance with the divine commandment that the Messenger conveyed, saying: (Seek the great gifts). (1 Corinthians 12:31), as he said: (Do not quench the Spirit) (1 Thessalonians 5:19).

I thought in vain, and I did not know what to do. I do not have enough intelligence or acumen, nor anyone to help me. I will increase my prayers to the Lord and insist, perhaps He will have mercy on me and enlighten my mind. Then I spent an entire day praying without pausing for a moment, and my wild thoughts calmed down and I fell asleep. Then I dreamed that I was in the room of my friend Startus and he was explaining the Philokalia to me and saying: This noble book contains great wisdom. It is a precious treasure of teachings about God's hidden purposes. Not everything in it is accessible to everyone's understanding, but it contains wisdom at the level of every reader: profound for the knowledgeable and simple for the simple. Therefore, you, simple people, should not read the books of the Fathers consecutively according to their order in the Philokalia, as their classification therein was for a theological purpose. As for the uneducated, if he wishes to learn internal prayer in the Philokalia, he must follow the following order:

1- To begin by reading the book of the monk Nikephoros (in the second section of the Philokalia), then:

2- He includes the entire book of Gregory of Sinai, except for short chapters.

3- This is followed by reading the three formulas of the prayer of Saint Simeon the New Theologian, and his message of faith, and after this:

4- The book of Callistus and Ignatius.

In these texts, the reader finds the complete teaching of inner prayer of the heart, at a level that every reader understands.

If you want a text that is easier to understand than these texts, in the fourth section, you should read the short model of the prayer, by Callistos, Patriarch of Constantinople.

As for me, as if I was really holding the Philokalia in my hand, I started searching for the passage that Starts had referred to, but I did not find it. Starts turned a few pages and said to me: Here it is, I will mark it for you! He picked up a piece of charcoal that was on the floor and made a small line on the side of the page opposite the passage in question. I listened to all of the Starts words carefully and carefully, and I worked hard to memorize them firmly in their details.

I woke up and the sun had not yet risen, so I remained lying in bed, remembering everything I saw in the dream and repeating what Starts told me. Then I thought: God knows if it was the spirit of the Starts that appeared to me or whether my thoughts took this form, for I think a lot about the Philokalia and about the Starts. I woke up feeling confused and skeptical, and the light had begun to spread. Suddenly I saw on the piece of stone that I had taken as a table, the Philokalia open on the page marked by the start and marked with a charcoal line, just as it was in my dream, and even the piece of charcoal was still beside the book. I was astonished by this, as I remembered that the book was not here yesterday, but rather I placed it closed next to me before going to sleep. I also remembered that there was no reference on this marked page. This incident made me believe in the validity of the vision and also confirmed my belief in the holiness of the Starts. And so I began to read the Philokalia in the given order. So I read it once, then I read it again, which increased my jealousy and my desire to test everything I had read in a practical way. The meaning of inner prayer was clearly revealed to me, and the means of achieving it and its effects became clear to me. I understood how the soul rejoices and the heart rejoices, and how it is possible to know whether this bliss comes from God, from sound nature, or from illusion.

I tried to begin with the place of the heart, according to the teachings of Simeon the New Theologian. So I closed my eyes and looked at my heart, trying to imagine it as it was on the left side of the chest, and I listened to its beating carefully. I did this exercise for half an hour at first, several times a day. At first, I saw nothing but pitch darkness, but soon I saw my heart and felt its deep abysses. Then I decided to enter the Jesus prayer into it, and to take it out of it by the weight of breathing, according to the teaching of St. Gregory of Sinai, and I kept it in my chest. And I look with the eyes of the spirit at my heart, saying: O Lord Jesus Christ, then I exhale the air, saying: Have mercy on me! At first I used to do this exercise for an hour or two, then I started spending a lot of my time doing it, and finally I started spending it almost all my day.

When I felt heavy, tired, or anxious, I would rush to read the Philokalia on topics dealing with the activity of the heart, and my desire for prayer and my drive for it would be renewed in me. Three weeks later, I felt pain in my heart, then a delicious warmth, and I felt consolation and peace. This practice led me to prayer, which became the focus of all my thoughts, and I began to feel joy and joy. Starting from this stage, from time to time I felt new sensations in my heart and in my mind. It was as if my heart was sometimes filled with boiling, lightness, freedom from all restrictions, and joy to the point where I felt as if I had become another man, or as if I was in a trance. At other times, I felt a burning love for Jesus Christ and for all of creation. And my tears were (8) Other times, it flows on its own in gratitude for the beauty of the Lord who had compassion on me, who was drowning in the depths of sins. My limited mind was sometimes enlightened, so I understood clearly what I could not have even imagined before. Sometimes, a warm warmth spreads from my heart to my entire being, and I feel, and joy overwhelms me, the presence of the Lord, just as I felt, at times, intense, deep joy at the mention of the name of Jesus Christ, which made me understand what the Almighty’s saying means: (Indeed, the kingdom of God is within you.) (Luke 17:21).

While I was in this atmosphere full of condolence, I noticed that the effects of the prayer of the heart appear in three forms: in the spirit, in the senses, and in the mind.

In the soul, for example, one feels the sweetness of God's love, inner peace, joy of the spirit, clarity of thoughts, and the splendor of God's presence. In the senses, we feel a desirable warmth in the heart, and the fullness of sweetness flowing through our body, filling the heart with happiness, joy, health and strength, and indifference to diseases and pains. As for the mind, by enlightening the mind, by understanding the Holy Bible and understanding the language of creation, by abandoning false preoccupations, by feeling the sweetness of spiritual life and by being certain of God’s closeness to us and of His love for us. (9).

After five months spent in solitude in these spiritual works and in this happiness, I became so accustomed to the prayer of the heart that I practiced it without interruption. Finally, I felt that it was coming back to me on its own, without the slightest effort on my part. It was emanating from my soul and heart, not only when I was awake but even during sleep, and it would not stop again for a moment after that. My soul thanked the Lord and my heart rejoiced with constant joy.

The time came to cut the trees, the loggers gathered, and I had to leave my quiet residence. After I thanked the guard and prayed, I kissed the dust of this land in which the Lord showed me His abundance of goodness and goodness, then I put my bag on my shoulder and left. After walking for a long time and crossing many lands, I entered the city of Irkutsk. The spontaneous prayer of the heart comforted me throughout my journey, and I never stopped enjoying it, despite my varying degrees of pleasure in it. She never bothered me at any place or time, and nothing ever affected me to ease her actions. While I was working, prayer would continue on its own in my heart, and I would finish the work quickly. If I was reading or listening to something attentively, the prayer would not stop. Rather, I would feel both at the same time, as if my personality had become dual, or as if there were two souls in my body. Praise God! How amazing is man and how great is his secret!..

A wolf in the forest

(How great are your works, O Lord! You have done them all with wisdom!) (Psalm 104:24).

While I was walking, I encountered many strange things, and if I wanted to list everything that happened to me, it would take me several days to do so. For example, one winter evening I was crossing the forest alone and I decided to spend the night in a village two leagues away from the place, whose houses were visible to me. Suddenly, a huge wolf attacked me, and I had the Sufi Starts rosary in my hand.

- It was always with me - so I waved it in the wolf's face. Do you believe it? The rosary slipped out of my hand and wrapped around the monster's neck. It bounced back, jumped over the brambles, and its two legs got entangled in the thorns, while the rosary clung to the branch of a withered tree. The wolf floundered with all his might, but he could not get rid of his predicament because the rosary was tightening around his neck. As for me, I made the sign of the cross with faith and approached the animal to save it, especially since I was afraid that it would snatch the rosary and run away with it, and it was a precious possession of mine. In fact, I had barely approached him and grabbed the rosary when he cut it off and turned away without resorting to anything. Thus I reached the village without hindrance. I praise the Lord and remember with goodness the blessed Starts and pray for his mercy. I went to the hotel and asked its owner to stay the night.

When I entered the place, there were two travelers sitting at a table in one of the corners: one of them was an old man. The second is an obese old man. They were drinking tea. So I asked the farmer who was guarding their horses about them, and he told me that the eldest of them was a school teacher and that his companion was a clerk at the magistrate court, and both of them were of noble origin. He added: I take them to the weekly market, which is held twenty farsakhs from here.

I had a little rest, then I asked the hotel owner for a needle and thread, approached the candle and began to repair the broken pieces of my rosary. The court clerk gave me a look and said: It seems that you prostrated and prayed so much that your rosary was torn!

- It was not me but the wolf that cut it...

The writer said, laughing: Hey! Even wolves pray!

I narrated the incident to them in detail and told them of the great value that this rosary had for me. The writer laughed again and said: In your eyes, O simple people, everything is a marvel and a dignity! Where is the wonder in the wolf case? I waved something at him and he got scared and ran away: Dogs and wolves are always afraid of these things. As for getting your feet confused in the forest, it is not difficult. How naive! Is it appropriate for us to believe that everything that happens in the world happens miraculously?!

So the school teacher began discussing with him. He said: Don’t talk like that, sir! I am not an expert in these matters... I personally see a double wonder in the story of this farmer: a sensory wonder and a spiritual wonder...

The writer asked: What do you mean by that?

-Listen: You did not gain much knowledge, but you undoubtedly studied sacred history in textbooks, using the question-and-answer method. You must remember that the first man, Adam, when he was in the first state of innocence, all the animals were subject to him: they would approach him with reverence and he would call them by their names. The deceased Startus, the first author of this rosary, was a saint. What is holiness? It is nothing but the emergence of the first state of innocence in the sinful person, thanks to his efforts and his virtues: the soul sanctifies the body. This rosary was always in the hands of a saint, so it was transferred to it, then, because of its permanent connection with his body, a saintly power, the power of the state of innocence in which the first man was. This is a marvel from a spiritual perspective... All animals sense this power naturally, through the sense of smell in particular: the nose is the most important sense organ in animals. This is the tangible marvel of nature... The court clerk said:

You, the educated people, see wonders and stories like these in everything. As for us, we look at things simply. He added: To pour a cup and then drink it, this is something that gains strength.

He said this and went to the drinks cabinet.

The school teacher replied: This is your business, but leave us, in this situation, the knowledge that contains some knowledge.

I liked what the teacher said, so I approached him and said to him: Allow me to tell you more about STARTS. I told him how he appeared to me in a dream, guided me, and then put a mark in the book of the Philokalia. The teacher listened to my speech carefully. However, the court clerk, while lying on a bank, murmured: It is true that a person gets an infection in his mind if he continues to read the Bible! Then he pointed to the tourist and added: Here is the ruler you meant... Tell me: What ghoul cares about blackening the pages of your book at night? Your book fell to the ground when you fell asleep, and fell into the ashes... This is your miracle! Ah, to all these bastards: we know them, buddy, just like you!

After the court clerk finished saying this, he growled, turned toward the wall, and then fell asleep.

Accordingly, I turned to the teacher and said to him: I will show you the book, if you want, and it contains the sign that I told you about, and it is not traces of ashes. Then I took the Philokalia out of my bag and showed it to him, saying: It amazes me that a disembodied soul can hold a piece of charcoal and write...

The teacher looked at the sign in the book and said: It is the secret of souls. Let me explain it to you: When spirits appear to man in physical form, they take on this visible body of light and air, using the elements from which their mortal body was formed. Since air has elasticity, the soul that wears it can work, write, or hold things. But, what is this book that you have? let me see.

He opened the book and looked at the article by Simeon the New Theologian. He said: It appears that it is a book on theology and I know nothing about it.

- This book, uncle, its content is almost entirely limited to teaching the inner prayer of the heart to the name of Jesus Christ, as interpreted by twenty-five Church Fathers.

The teacher said: Oh! Inner prayer! I know what it is...

So I begged him, asking him to tell me about internal prayer. He said: It is stated in the New Testament that all creation, including man, “has been subjected to vanity, not willingly,” and that everything groans and yearns for the liberation of the children of God (Romans 8:19-20). This wondrous tendency of creation, this authentic desire in the soul, is inner prayer. It cannot be learned because it is in every being and in everything!…

I asked him: But how can we obtain it, how do we discover it and feel it within our hearts? How do we become aware of its existence, accept it willingly, and achieve the ability to make it work within us powerfully, delighting, illuminating, and saving the soul?

The teacher replied: I do not know if the theological literature discusses this.

She exclaimed: But here, in this book, you find the answer to everything you asked about!

So the teacher took a pen and took the title of the Philokalia and said: I will ask for this book from (Tobolsk) and I will read it. And on this we parted.

I went on to thank God for my conversation with the teacher, asking him, God Almighty, to make the clerk of the court read the Philokalia at least once, understand its meaning, and find in it the good and righteousness of his soul.

The story of a village girl

Another time, a church arrived on a spring day and descended on the town priest, who was a good person who lived alone. I spent three days with him, and he said to me after that, during which he had the opportunity to test me: If you stay with me, I will give you a salary, because I need a man who can be trusted. You may have noticed that we are building a new stone church next to our old wooden church. I have not yet been able to find an honest man who monitors the work and stands in the church to collect donations allocated for the new building. I see that you can do this, if you want to, and I find that the lifestyle I am suggesting agrees with you and suits you. You will be in the church alone, praying, as there is a secluded corner in which you can stay. Please stay, at least until the church is built!

I hesitated for a long time, but in the end I submitted to the priest’s plea and insistence. So I spent the entire summer until the fall staying in the church. In the beginning, it provided me with a lot of calm, so I was able to practice prayer, except on holidays, especially when there are many churchgoers, from the pious person who came to pray, to the chatty person who came to meet, to the one who was conversing, to others who came to the temple with the intention of embezzling some money from the tray. While I was reading the Bible sometimes and the Philokalia at other times, some visitors would initiate conversations with me, and some of them would ask me to do some reading for him.

A few days after I was in the church, I noticed that a girl from the town was frequenting the church and praying for a long time. When I leaned my ears to listen to what she was muttering, I found that she was reciting strange prayers, some of which were completely distorted. I asked her: Who taught you this? She said that it was her mother, who was an upright believer, while her father was a heretic and a follower of the heresy (the no-priests). (10).

I saw that her situation was miserable and I advised her to recite the prayers in the correct way, according to the traditions of the Holy Church: and I taught her (Our Father) and (Peace be upon you, Mary). Finally, I said to her: Say the Jesus Prayer in particular, because it brings us closer to God than all other prayers, and thus you will attain the salvation of your soul. The girl listened to me attentively and simply took my advice. Do you believe it? She told me, a few days later, that she had become accustomed to the Jesus Prayer and that she felt a desire to repeat it always, if possible. When she prayed, she felt pleasure, and then pleasure, accompanied by the desire to continue praying. I was happy about the matter and advised her to continue praying a lot, and to mention the name of Jesus Christ.

Summer was almost over, and many churchgoers were coming to me, not only to ask for advice or some reading, but to tell me about their home concerns. Some of them even came to me to tell them how to find their lost needs. Apparently some of them thought I was a magician. One day, this girl came running to me, very sad, asking me what she should do. Her father was about to forcibly marry her to a heretic like himself, and as for the wreath prayer, it would be performed by a peasant, not a priest. She chanted: Is this how legal marriage is? Nothing but fornication and immorality! I want to escape... I will run away without looking back.

I told her: These days, you will not be able to hide anywhere without identity papers or a passport, and this will make it easier to find you. You had better pray fervently that God in his own ways will break your father's resolve and preserve yourself from sin and heresy. This is more suitable for you than your escape project.

Days passed... and the weight of the noise became heavy on me, and I became unable to stop praying. Finally, the summer ended, and I decided to leave the church and return to the wandering life I had been living before. So I went to the priest and said to him: You know, Father, my inclinations and my readiness. I need peace to stop praying, and I find here nothing but confusion, confusion, and scattered thoughts. I have done what you asked of me and I stayed with you the whole summer: now let me go and bless my journey alone.

The priest did not want to abandon me, so he urged me to stay. He said:

-What might prevent you from praying here? All you have to do is stay in the church and have your bread ready. Pray in it during the night and the ends of the day, if you want, but rather live with God! You are capable and helpful here. You do not engage in absurd talk and vulgar talk with visitors, and, on the other hand, you are honest and honorable, securing the income of revenues for the Church of God. This, to my mind, is better, in the eyes of the Lord, than your prayers recited in private. Why are you always alone? Praying with people brings joy and happiness. God did not create man so that he would only know himself, but rather in order to help his neighbor. Leading one another toward salvation, each according to his ability. Look at the saints and teachers of the world: they were constantly busy day and night concerned with the affairs of the church, preaching everywhere, not seeking isolation in which they could hide from their brothers.

I answered him: God gives to every person according to what suits him, Father, and many have preached to the masses, and many others have lived alone and alone. Each of these people worked according to his inclination and believed that what he was doing was the path of salvation that God had designated for him. But how do you explain that many saints abandoned ranks and positions in the church and retired, lest they be tempted while in the world? Thus, Saint Isaac the Syrian left his flock, and the blessed Athanasius of Athens left his flock (11) His monastery because they considered that there was too much luxury in these places and they truly believed in the words of Jesus Christ: (What does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses his own soul?) (Matthew 16:26).

The priest replied: But they did that because they were among the great saints. I replied: If the saints carefully guard against contact with people, what do you think I, a miserable sinner, should not do out of caution and caution?

Finally, I said goodbye to this good priest and we parted in love.

After ten farsakhs, I stopped in a village to spend the night. There was a sick farmer who was about to die, so his family advised him to receive Holy Communion. So, in the morning, they sent someone to summon the priest from the village. I stayed with the farmer's family to prostrate before the Blessed Sacrament and pray as it was given to the sick person.

كنت جالساً على مقعد أمام البيت أترقب مجيء الكاهن وإذا بي أرى فجأة تلك الفتاة التي كانت تأتي للصلاة في الكنيسة فسألتها:

– كيف أتيت إلى هنا؟

– كان كل شيء جاهزاً في البيت لتزويجي من الهرطوقي، فلذت بالفرار.

ثم هتفت وقد ارتميت على قدمي:

– أشفق عليّ!… خذني معك إلى دير من الأديار! لست أبغي الزواج، وسوف أعيش في الدير أتلو صلاة يسوع. خذني! فسيلبي من في الدير طلبك ويقبلني أهله عندهم. فقلت لها:

– إيه! وأين تريدين أن آخذك؟ لست أعرف ولا ديراً في هذه الأنحاء… ثم كيف آخذك معي ولا جواز سفر معك؟ لن يكون بإمكانك التوقف في أي مكان، فإن أمرك سيكشف في الحال، وسوف تعادين إلى بيتك وتعاقبين لتشردك. فالأولى بك أن ترجعي إلى البيت وتصلي. وإن كنت، كما تقولين، لا تريدين الزواج، فتظاهري بوجود مانع لديك: إن هذا يدعى خداعاً مقبولاً. هذا ما فعلته، مثلاً، والدة اقليمندس القديسة، المغبوطة مارينا التي سعت إلى الخلاص في دير للرهبان الذكور (12) وهذا ما فعله أيضاً كثيرون غيرها.

كنا نتحدث على هذا النحو، وإذا بنا نبصر أربعة فلاحين في عربة، ما إن رأونا حتى اتجهوا إلينا بسرعة، ولما ترجلوا، أسرعوا فأمسكوا بالفتاة ووضعوها في العربة وأرسلوها إلى البيت، على ما أعتقد، مع واحد منهم. وأما الثلاثة الباقون، فقد هجموا عليّ وأوثقوا قيد يدي وأرجعوني عنوة إلى البلدة التي أمضيت الصيف فيها. وكانوا يجيبون على جميع استيضاحاتي صارخين متوعدين: أسكت، أيها القديس الصغير! سوف نعلمك كيف يكون إغواء البنات!

وعند المساء، قادوني إلى السجن، فوضعت الأغلال في رجلي ثم أوصد الباب دوني بانتظار محاكمتي في الغد. ولما سمع كاهن البلدة بخبر حبسي، جاء يزورني وجلب لي العشاء، وعزاني وواساني وقال لي إنه سيتولى الدفاع عني ويعلن، بصفته الأب المعرِّف، إنني لست من أصحاب الأخلاق المشينة الفاسدة التي يتهموني بها. وبقي بعض الوقت معي ثم انصرف.

وحدث أن أمر حاكم المقاطعة بالبلدة، عند هبوط الليل، فعرضوا عليه القضية. فأمر بدعوة مجلس البلدة وباستحضاري إلى المحكمة. ولما دخلنا، بقينا واقفين. ووصل الحاكم فجأة، وقد بدت عليه، منذ دخوله، دلائل الانفعال الشديد، وجلس وراء المنصة محتفظاً بقبعته وهتف:

– هيه! يا ابيفانيوس! هذه الصبية، بنتك، ألم تسرق شيئاً من البيت؟

– كلا يا عم!

– ولم ترتكب أية حماقة مع هذا الأبله؟

– كلا يا عم!

– انتهت القضية، وهذا هو الحكم: مع بنتك، تدبر الأمر كما تشاء. أما هذا الفتى، فسوف نرحله غداً بعد تأديبه تأديباً قاسياً لئلا يعود إلى هذه البلدة.

وعلى هذا، قام الحاكم وراح لينام، وأما أنا فأعدت إلى السجن. وفي الغد الباكر، جاء فلاحان (13) جلداني ثم أطلق سراحي. ورحت أشكر الرب الذي أتاح لي أن أتألم من أجل اسمه، وكان في هذا ما عزاني وحثني على أن أصلي أكثر من ذي قبل.

لم تحزني هذه الأحداث مطلقاً، فكانت كأنها تختص بشخص سواي، وكأني متفرج عليها. حتى الجلد، احتملته بسهولة، فقد كانت الصلاة تفعم قلبي بالفرح بحث لم تسمح لي بالالتفات إلى ما عداها.

وبعد مسيرة أربعة فراسخ، التقيت بأم الفتاة عائدة من السوق، فتوقفت وقالت لي: تركنا الخطيب، فقد اغتاظ من آكولكا لأنها هربت من البيت.

ثم أعطتني شيئاً من الخبز وقطعة من الحلوى وتابعت المسير. وكان الطقس صحواً، مما لم يدع بي رغبة في النوم في القرية. ووجدت في الغابة كومتي قش فرقدت عليه لأمضي ليلتي. وفي أثناء النوم، حلمت أنني أسير على الطريق أقرأ ما كتبه القديس أنطونيوس الكبير (14) في الفيلوكاليا من فصول. وفجأة، انضم الستارتس إلي وقال لي: (ليس هنا ما يجب أن تقرأ)، وأشار إلى الفصل الخامس والثلاثين، للقديس يوحنا أسقف جزيرة كرباتوس (15)، وقد جاء فيه: (قد يتعرض التلميذ للتعيير أحياناً ويقاسي الشدائد والمحن من أجل الذين ساعدهم روحياً). ثم أراني أيضاً الفصل الواحد والأربعين الذي فيه: (كل الذين يقومون بالصلاة بحرارة متزايدة يغدون عرضة لتجارب شاقة رهيبة).

ثم قال لي: تشجع ولا تيأس! تذكر قول الرسول: (… إن الذي فيكم هو أعظم من الذي في العالم) (1يوحنا 4:4). ولقد علمت الآن بالخبرة أن ليس من تجربة فوق طاقة الإنسان احتمالها، فإن الله (… لا يدعكم تجربون فوق طاقتكم، بل يجعل مع التجربة مخرجاً…) (1كور13:10).

وإنما شدد القديسون أملهم بمعونة الرب، وهم لم يقضوا حياتهم بالصلاة فحسب، بل سعوا، محبة، إلى تعليم الآخرين وإرشادهم. إليك ما قال بهذا الصدد القديس غريغوريوس التسالونيكي (16): (لا يكفي أن نصلي دون انقطاع حسب الوصية الإلهية، ولكنما ينبغي علينا أيضاً أن نعلم ذلك للجميع: رهباناً وعلمانيين، أذكياء أو بسطاء، رجالاً أو نساء أو أطفالاً، لكي نثير فيهم الغيرة إلى الصلاة الداخلية). وقد تكلم المغبوط كاليستوس تليكوداس (17) بنفس اللهجة قائلاً: (إن العمل الروحي (أي: الصلاة الداخلية) والمعرفة الإشراقية ووسائل السمو بالروح كافة، ينبغي ألا نحتفظ بها لأنفسنا دون الآخرين، ولكن يجب تبليغها الغير كتابة أو خطاباً وذلك من أجل خير الجميع وحباً بهم، وقد قال الله إن الأخ يعضده أخوه أمنع من مدينة محصنة (أمثال19:18). وإنما علينا أن نجتنب الغرور ما استطعنا وأن نحترس لئلا تذري الرياح بذار التعليم الإلهي الصالح).

أحسست، ولما استيقظت، بفرح في قلبي عظيم وبقوة في نفسي جديدة، وتابعت المسير.

حادثتا شفاء

جرى لي، بعد هذا بزمان طويل، أمر سأرويه لك، لو سمحت. شعرت ذات يوم، وكان ذلك في الرابع والعشرين من آذار، بحاجة لا تقاوم إلى تناول أسرار المسيح المقدسة في ذلك اليوم المكرس لوالدة الإله، بذكرى بشارتها الإلهية. فسألت عما إذا كان في المنطقة من كنيسة، فقيل لي إن هنالك كنيسة على بعد ثلاثين فرسخاً.

سرت ما بقي من النهار، والليل كله، لكي أصل الكنيسة عند صلاة السحر. كان الطقس على أردأ ما يكون: مثلجاً تارة وممطراً طوراً، يزيده سوءاً ريح عاتية جليدية وبرد قار قارص. كانت الطريق تقطع جدولاً. لكني ما خطوت عليه بضع خطوات حتى انكسر الجليد تحت رجلي وخضت في الماء حتى حزامي. ووصلت مبتلاً إلى صلاة السحر، فحضرتها وحضرت القداس الإلهي الذي أتاح لي الله فيه المناولة.

طلبت من الحارس أن يبقيني حتى الغداة في كوخ الحراسة، وذلك لأقضي يومي بسلام دون ما يكدر هناء روحي. وقضيت النهار كله في فرح يفوق الوصف وفي صفاء القلب. كنت مستلقياً على بنك في هذا الكوخ دون تدفئة كما لو رقدت أرتاح في حضن ابراهيم. وكانت الصلاة تعمل بقوة محبتي ليسوع المسيح ولوالدة الإله، كانت تعبر قلبي، أمواجاً منعشة، وتغمس نفسي في نشوة هانئة. وعند دنو الليل، شعرت فجأة بألم مبرح في ساقي فتذكرت أنهما مبلولتان. لكني دفعت غفلة فكري عن هذه وعدت إلى الانغماس في الصلاة فلم أعد أشعر بالألم. وفي الصباح، لما أردت النهوض، لم أستطع تحريك ساقي: كانتا بلا حول وفي مثل رخاوة المرس. وأنزلني الحارس عن البنك وبقيت هكذا يومين دون حراك. وفي اليوم الثالث، طردني الحارس من كوخه قائلاً: إن مت هنا كان علي أن أتعب من أجلك وأهتم بأمرك. وتوصلت أن أجر نفسي على يدي جراً حتى باب الكنيسة حيث بقيت منطرحاً قرابة اليومين. ولم يكن المارة يعيرون أدنى التفات لا إلى شخصي ولا إلى طلباتي.

أخيراً! اقترب مني أحد الفلاحين وأخذ يحادثني. وقال لي: ماذا تعطيني؟ سوف أشفيك. لقد ألم بي مرة نفس ما أصابك، وأنا أعرف لدائك علاجاً. فأجبته ليس لي ما أعطيك.

– وماذا يوجد في كيسك؟

– لا شيء سوى الخبز الحاف وبعض الكتب.

– طيب، ستشتغل عندي مدة الصيف إن أنا شفيتك.

– لا يمكنني حتى العمل. أنت ترى أن ليس لي إلا يد واحدة سليمة.

– وماذا يمكنك فعله إذن؟

– لا شيء إلا القراءة والكتابة.

– هاه! الكتابة! طيب! ستعلم ابني الكتابة. إنه قد بدأ يتعلم القراءة، وحبذا لو تعلم الكتابة. لكن المعلمين طلبوا مني أجراً غالياً: عشرين روبلاً، لتعليم ابني الخط.

فاتفقت معه. ونقلني إلى بيته. بمساعدة الحارس، ووضعاني في حمام (18) عتيق في أحد أركان الفناء القصية.

وبدأ مضيفي في علاجي: جمع من الحقول والباحات وحفر الأقذار كمية لا بأس بها من عظام الحيوانات القديمة، وعظام الطيور ومن كل الأنواع، فغسلها وكسرها قطعاً صغيرة بحجر ووضعها في طنجرة كبيرة، غطاها بغطاء به ثقب وقلبها جميعاً فوق إناء وضعه في الأرض. ودهن قعر الطنجرة بعناية بطبقة من الآجر سميكة وغطاها بقطع من الحطب تركها تحترق أكثر من 24 ساعة. وقال، وهو يرتب الحطبات: (سينتج من هذا كله قطران العظم).

وفي الغد، نبش القدر، وكان قد سال به من فوهة الغطاء قرابة اللتر من سائل غليظ ضارب إلى الحمرة، قوامه دهني، رائحته كرائحة اللحم الطازج. وأما العظام الباقية في الطنجرة، فقد صارت بيضاء اللون شفافة كقلب الصدف أو اللؤلؤ، بعد أن كانت سوداء عفنة. كنت أدلك جسمي بهذا السائل خمس مرات يومياً. أفتصدق؟ شعرت ثاني يوم أنه بإمكاني تحريك أصابعي، وفي اليوم الثالث، كنت أثني ساقي، وفي الخامس، قمت واقفاً وأخذت أمشي في الباحة متوكئاً على عصا. وبعد أسبوع عاد ساقاي إلى حالتهما الطبيعية. فشكرت الله على ذلك مفكراً: إن حكمة الله تظهر في مخلوقاته! فالعظام الرميمة اليابسة العفنة التي أوشكت أن تعود إلى التراب تحتفظ بحيوية قوية ولون ورائحة. بل تفعل في الأجسام الحية، فيمكنها أن تعيدها إلى الحياة! إن هذا عربون القيامة في الدهر الآتي. ليتني أستطيع إطلاع حارس الأحراج، الذي عشت في كوخه، على هذا، فقد كان يشك في قيامة الأجساد!

بعد شفائي هذا، أخذت أعنى بالولد الصغير. كتبت كنموذج للخط صلاة يسوع، وطلبت منه أن ينسخها بعد أن أريته كيف يكتب الأحرف بصورة جميلة. وكان هذا لي عملاً مريحاً، لأن الغلام كان يخدم، طوال النهار في بيت وكيل الأملاك، فما كان يأتي إلي إلا عندما ينام معلمه، أي في الصباح الباكر. كان الصبي ذكياً، وسرعان ما تعلم الكتابة على وجه صحيح تقريباً.

سأله الوكيل مرة وقد رآه يكتب: من ذا الذي يعطيك الدروس؟ فأخبره الطفل أنه السائح الأشل الذي يعيش في منزلهم في الحمام العتيق. فأتى المدير مستطلعاً – وكان بولونياً – ليراني ووجدني أقرأ الفيلوكاليا. فحدثني قليلاً وقال: ماذا تقرأ؟ فأريته الكتاب. فال: آه! إنها الفيلوكاليا! إني رأيت هذا الكتاب عند كاهن بلدتنا، عندما كنت أقيم في (فلنا)، ولكن قيل لي إنه يحوي وصفات غريبة، وطرائق للصلاة، أوجدها رهبان من بلاد الروم، على غرار متصوفة الهند وبخارى، الذين ينفخون رئاتهم ويعتقدون ببلاهة، إذا توصلوا إلى الشعور بدغدغة طفيفة في قلبهم، إن هذا الإحساس الطبيعي هو صلاة وهبها الله لهم. إنما ينبغي الصلاة ببساطة، لكي نتمم واجبنا نحو الله. فعند النهوض من النوم، علينا تلاوة (أبانا الذي…) كما علمنا المسيح. وهذا يكفي طوال اليوم. ولكن إن نحن رددنا نفس الصلاة كل حين، ففي هذا خطر إصابتنا بالجنون وإتلاف قلبنا.

– لا تتكلم بهذه الصورة عن هذا الكتاب الشريف يا عم! فما كتبه رهبان أروام بسطاء بل أشخاص عريقون قديسون تكرمهم كنيستكم أيضاً كأنطونيوس الكبير ومكاريوس الكبير (19) ومرقس الزاهد (20) ويوحنا الذهبي الفم (21)  وغيرهم. إن رهبان الهند وبخارى قد اقتبسوا منهم طرائق صلاة القلب غير أن هؤلاء الرهبان شوهوها وأفسدوها كما قال لي الستارتس. كل ما في الفيلوكاليا من تعاليم عن الصلاة الداخلية مستقى من كلام الله، من الكتاب المقدس، الذي شدد فيه يسوع على وجوب الصلاة دون انقطاع. مع وصيته بتلاوة ( أبانا الذي…) فقد قال: (أحب الرب إلهك من كل قلبك ومن كل نفسك وكل ذهنك) (متى37:22)، كما قال: (فاحذروا واسهروا وصلوا…) (مرقس33:13)، و(اثبتوا فيّ وأنا فيكم…) (يوحنا4:15). وآباء الكنيسة، إذ يستشهدون بالملك داود في المزامير: (ذوقوا وانظروا ما أطيب الرب) (مزامير9:34)، يفسرون هذا الكلام بأن على المسيحي أن يعمل كل شيء حتى يعرف عذوبة الصلاة. فيجب عليه أن يبحث فيها عن تعزيته بصورة مستديمة لا أن يكتفي بتلاوة صلاة (أبانا الذي…) مرة واحدة.

اسمع! سأقرأ لك ما يقوله الآباء فيمن لا يسعى إلى دراسة صلاة القلب الخيرة. إن هؤلاء يرتكبون ثلاث خطايا: 1- فهم يخالفون وصايا الكتب المقدسة، 2- لا يقرون بأن للنفس حالات سمو وكمال: فإنهم، باكتفائهم بالفضائل الخارجية، يتجاهلون الجوع والعطش إلى البر ويحرمون أنفسهم الغبطة بالله، 3- وهم، بنظرهم إلى فضائلهم الخارجية وحدها، غالباً ما يتردون في الاكتفاء وفي الغرور.

قال الوكيل: إن ما تقرأ له معنى سام، ولكن كيف لنا، نحن العلمانيين، أن نسلك هذا السبيل؟

– اسمع! سأقرأ لك كيف توصل بعض أهل الصلاح إلى تعلم الصلاة المستديمة، بالرغم من كونهم علمانيين.

وفتحت، في الفيلوكاليا، رسالة سمعان اللاهوتي الجديد عن شاب يدعى جاورجيوس وأخذت أقرأ. فأعجب الوكيل بما قرأت وقال لي:

– أعطني هذا الكتاب وسأقرأه في أوقات فراغي.

– سأعيرك إياه، إن كنت تريده ليوم واحد، فأنا أقرأه باستمرار، وليس لي عنه غنى.

– ولكن تستطيع، على الأقل، فيما أظن، أن تنسخ لي هذا المقطع، وسوف أدفع لك أجرك.

– لست بحاجة إلى مالك، ولكني سأنسخه لك بكل سرور آملاً أن يهبك الله غيرة للصلاة.

ونسخت على الفور المقطع الذي قرأته. فقرأه بدوره لزوجته، فاستحسنته وأعجبها كما نال استحسان زوجها. فكانا، بعد ذلك اليوم، يستدعياني من وقت لآخر فآتي إليهما بالفيلوكاليا، وأقرأ فيستمعان وهما يتناولان الشاي. وأبقياني، ذات يوم، على العشاء. وكانت زوجة الوكيل، وهي سيدة مسنة لطيفة، تأكل سمكاً مشوياً، وإذا بها تبتلع حسكة ما استطعنا إخراجها من حلقها رغم كل جهودنا. وآلمتها حنجرتها شديد الألم حتى أنها اضطرت، بعد ساعتين، إلى أن تلزم الفراش. وأرسل زوجها في طلب طبيب يسكن على بعد ثلاثين فرسخاً من المكان، وعدت إلى البيت حزيناً مكتئباً.

نمت، ليلتها، نوماً خفيفاً متقطعاً، وإذا بي أسمع بغتة صوت الستارتس دون أن أنظر أحداً. قال الصوت: (لقد شفاك معلمك ولا تستطيع فعل شيء لزوجة الوكيل؟ لقد أوصانا الله أن نتوجع لمصائب القريب).

– سأساعدها بسرور، ولكن كيف لي ذلك؟

– إليك ما يجب فعله: هذه المرأة كانت دوماً شديدة القرف من زيت الخروع، فبمجرد أن تشم رائحته ينتابها الغثيان. جرعها إذن ملعقة زيت خروع، وسوف تستفرغ فتخرج الحسكة، والزيت سيلين جرحها وستشفى.

– ولكن كيف أسقيها الزيت ما دامت تتقزز منه وتقرف؟

– أطلب من زوجها أن يمسك رأسها وصب السائل في فمها قسراً.

استفقت من نومي وأسرعت إلى الوكيل أقص عليه كل هذا بالتفصيل، فقال لي:

– ما عسى يكون نفع زيتك؟ فقد ألمت بها الحمى وها هي تهذي وقد تورم عنقها كما ترى. ولكن، على كل حال، لا بأس من المحاولة، فإن لم يفدها الزيت، فهو، في أي حال، لن يضرها بشيء.

وصب شيئاً من زيت الخروع في كأس صغير وتمكنا بعد جهد من تجريعها إياه. فبدأت تقيء في الحال قيئاً شديداً وبصقت الحسكة (22) مع قليل من الدم. وبعد، شعرت بتحسن حالها ونامت نوماً عميقاً.

جئت في صبيحة الغد أستطلع أخبارها فوجدتها مع زوجها تتناول الشاي. كانا يتعجبان من شفائها وخاصة مما قيل لي في الحلم عن قرفها من زيت الخروع، لأنهما لم يحدثا أحداً بشيء من هذا أبداً. وفيما نحن كذلك وصل الطبيب. فحكت له زوجة الوكيل كيف شفيت، وأنا رويت له كيف عالج الفلاح ساقي، فأعلن الطبيب قائلاً: ليست هاتان الحادثتان، بالأمر المدهش، فإنما سبب الشفاء في المرتين قوة طبيعية، لكني سأسجلهما للذكرى. وأخرج قلماً من جيبه ودوّن بضع كلمات في دفتر صغير.

وسرعان ما شاع في تلك الديار أني عراف ومطبب وساحر، وتوافد الناس من كل حدب وصوب لاستشارتي يجلبون لي الهدايا. وبدأوا بتكريمي كقديس وولي. ومضى أسبوع على ذلك ففكرت في الأمر وتخوفت من السقوط في الغرور والتشتت، وفي الليلة التالية، غادرت القرية خفية.

الوصول إلى أركوتسك (23)

هكذا عدت، مرة أخرى، أسير على الطريق وحيداً. شعرت بأني فرح خفيف كما لو انزاح عن كتفي ثقل جبل. وكانت تعزية الصلاة لي في ازدياد مطرد: كان قلبي يجيش أحياناً بمحبة لامتناهية ليسوع المسيح، وكانت أمواج منعشة تنبعث من هذا الجيشان فتنتشر في كل كياني. وكانت صورة يسوع المسيح ماثلة في نفسي بصورة شديدة حتى أني كنت وكأني أرى أحداث الإنجيل بأم عيني بمجرد التفكر بها. وكنت طرباً أبكي فرحاً، أشعر أحياناً بسعادة في قلبي كبيرة لدرجة لا أستطيع معها وصفها. وكنت أحياناً أبقى ثلاثة أيام بعيداً عن منازل الناس وبيوتهم فأشعر منتشياً بأني وحيد وخاطئ حقير أمام الله المتحنن والمحب البشر.

وكانت في هذه الوحدة سعادتي. وعذوبة الصلاة فيها كانت أوضح مما كانت عليه عند احتكاكي بالناس.

أخيراً وصلت إلى (اركوتسك). وركعت مصلياً أمام ذخائر القديس انوكنديوس، وتساءلت أين الذهاب من بعد. ولم أكن أرغب في البقاء في المدينة طويلاً لأنها كانت آهلة بالسكان. وسرت في الشارع أفكر، وإذا بي ألتقي فجأة بأحد تجار المدينة، فاستوقفني وقال لي: أنت سائح؟ لماذا لا تجيء إلى بيتي؟

ووصلنا بيته الفخم، وسألني من أكون، فرويت له رحلتي. ولما انتهيت قال لي: يجدر بك أن تذهب إلى مدينة أورشليم، ففيها قداسة لا مثيل لها!

فأجبته: الذهاب إليها مما يسرني، ولكني لا أملك من المال ما أدفعه أجرة الطريق، فإن ذلك يتطلب المال الكثير.

فقال التاجر: سأخبرك عن طريقة للذهاب، إن تشأ. ولقد أوصلت في العام الماضي إلى القديس شيخاً من أصدقائنا.

فانطرحت على قدميه، فقال لي: اسمع، سأرسل معك كتاباً إلى ابني وهو في أوروبا يتاجر مع القسطنطينية. إنه يملك بعض المراكب وسوف يوصلك إلى القسطنطينية وهناك تدفع لك مكاتبه فيها أجرة السفر حتى القدس، وما هذا بالباهظ الغالي.

لما سمعت هذه الكلمات، أفعم قلبي فرحاً وشكرت هذا المحسن شكراً جزيلاً، وشكرت الله خاصة لإظهاره لي حبه الأبوي الجم نحوي، أنا البائس الغارق في الخطايا، لا أحسن صنعاً تجاهه تعالى ولا نحو سواي من الناس، وآكل خبز الغير بلا جدوى.

ونزلت ثلاثة أيام على هذا التاجر الكريم، ثم أعطاني كتاباً إلى ابنه… ها أنا ذاهب إلى أوروبا على أمل أن أبلغ مدينة أورشليم المقدسة… غير أني لست أدري إن كان الرب سيسمح لي بالسجود أمام ضريحه المحيي.

 

 

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(1) إينوكنديوس (كولتشيسكي) هو أول أسقف على اركوتسك، نشأ في مقاطعة تشرنيكوف في روسيا الصغرى. طلب العلم في مدرسة كييف الثانوية ثم صار أستاذاً في الأكاديمية السلافية اليونانية اللاتينية في موسكو، ثم راهباً ورئيساً لدير القديس ألكسندروس نفسكي في مدينة بطرسبرج. وقد أوفد إلى الصين مرسلاً برتبة أسقف فأقام قرابة الخمس سنين في سلنجنسك ثم عين عام 1727 أسقفاً على اركوتسك. وقد ذاعت شهرته كقديس لمكافحته المساوئ ولغيرته في نشر الإيمان وتقديم الأخلاق ولصبره ووداعته ومحبته. وقد سمح رسمياً بتكريم بقاياه من قبل المؤمنين عام 1805 ويحتفل بعيده يوم 26 تشرين الثاني بلقب رئيس كهنة وصانع العجائب

(2) تذكر هذه القصة بحادثة وقعت للقديس سيرافيم ساروفسكي. ففي خريف عام 1801 بينما كان الراهب يحتطب في الغابة هجم عليه لصوص بغية سلبه دراهمه. ولما قال لهم إنه لا يملك شيئاً، ضربوه على رأسه وجرحوه جرحاً بليغاً. ولم يقبل المتوحد أن يعالجه الأطباء، فقد ترك أمره للرب الذي جعله يرى رؤيا حينما كان طريح الأرض. وطلب ألا يطارد مهاجموه، مذكراً قول الإنجيل: (لا تخافوا ممن يقتل الجسد ولا يستطيع أن يقتل النفس، بل خافوا ممن يقدر أن يهلك النفس والجسد في جهنم) (متى28:10)

(3) هي السلافونية. وفي أبجديتها 37 حرفاً، تختلف عن أحرف الأبجدية الروسية في صورتها اختلافاً بيناً.

(4) توفي عام 1326 وكان أسقفاً نشيطاً. قام بالعديد من الأعمال النهضوية على صعيد الحياة الكنسية والاجتماعية

(5) يرجح أنها إحدى عظات أفرام السرياني التي يصور فيها يوم القيامة بصورة رهيبة مؤثرة

(6) (المغبوط ازيخيوس كاهن أورشليم). هو كاهن وشارح للكتاب المقدس من القرن الخامس على الأرجح، ألف شروحات للعهد القديم والجديد على طريقة رمزية، حاذياً في ذلك حذو أوريجنس

(7) راجع كتاب (حياة موسى) لغريغوريوس النيصصي (330- 394)، ترجمة الأب دانيلو صفحة 174. (فالكمال إنما هو حقاً في ألا نترك حياة الخطيئة خوفاً من العقاب، على ما يفعل الأجراء ولا أن نقوم بفعل الخير رجاء بالثواب، بل… أن نخشى شيئاً واحداً فحسب: أن نخسر محبة الله، وألا نعتبر إلا أمراً واحداً ذا قيمة ومرغوباً فيه: أن نصير أحباء الله)

(8) أنظر: اسحق السرياني. (يغدو القلب كطفل صغير، وتسيل الدموع حينما نبدأ الصلاة). راجع أيضاً بهذا الموضوع: (سر عطية الدموع في الشرق المسيحي)، منشورات النور

(9) يماثل هذا تقسيم الحياة الروحية ثلاثة أقسام كما عرفها مكسيموس المعترف وايفاغريوس قبله: (الروح التي تنجح في العمل تسير نحو الحكمة. فإن نجحت في التأمل، فتتقدم نحو العلم. وأما الأولى فتقود من يكافح إلى التمييز بين الفضيلة والرذيلة، وأما الثانية فتسير بمن يساهم فيها إلى أعلى الكائنات اللاجسدية والجسدية. وأما نعمة معرفة الله، فينالها الإنسان إذا ما اجتاز كل ما عداها بأجنحة المحبة فوصل إلى الله وتأمل بالروح العلم الإلهي، بمقدار ما يمكن للناس ذلك). (مكسيموس المعترف)

(10) أو بعبارة أخرى (رسكولنيك) أو (المؤمنين القدامى) وهم من أتباع بدعة نشأت في منتصف القرن السابع عشر (1652- 1658) على أثر إصلاحات في الطقوس قام بها البطريرك نيكون أدت إلى انشقاق داخل الكنيسة الروسية. وقد زاد من خطر هذا الانشقاق مراسيم بطرس الأكبر (العصرية)، إذ أنشأ سنة 1721 مجمعاً يحل محل البطريرك، مجرداً الكنيسة بهذا من الاستقلال الذي طالب به نيكون.

وقد انقسم أتباع الانشقاق هذا إلى مذاهب عديدة، يمكن إرجاعها إلى فرعين رئيسيين: فرع الذين حافظوا على الرتب الكهنوتية، ويسمون (الأبائيون)، وفرع لم يعرف أتباعه منذ البدء رجال دين وهم (البلاكهنة). وقد انتشرت بين هؤلاء ميول إلى التصوف الطبيعي أو بالعكس إلى التشدد الأخلاقي

(11) مؤسس سنة 963 أول دير اللافرا الكبير في جبل آثوس (925- 1003)

(12) عاشت مارينا في القرن الثامن. عمل مارينا هذا قد يبدو غريباً في يومنا الحاضر، أما إن أخذنا بعين الاعتبار العصر الذي عاشت المغبوطة فيه وما أحاط بعملها من ظروف اجتماعية خاصة، أدركنا أنه لم يكن لها من وسيلة، إلا تنكرها بزي الرجال، لكي تحيا حياة الرهبنة التي تاقت إليها. تعيد لها الكنيسة الأرثوذكسية في 12 شباط. ويرجح أن أصلها من بيثينيا

(13) حرفياً: قائد المئة وقائد العشرة. أما قائد المئة فينتخبه المجلس البلدي، وهو قائد الدرك العامل في الريف بإشراف رئيس الدرك مباشرة. وهذه الوظيفة ترجع إلى القرون الوسطى، إلا أن صاحبها لم تحدد مهامه إلا عام 1837 وهو تاريخ تأسيس الدرك. وكان قائد العشرة يأتمر بأمر قائد المئة، وهو أيضاً ينتخبه أعضاء المجلس البلدي.

(14) الكلام هنا عن تعاليم القديس أنطونيوس (251- 356) الواقعة في 170 فصلاً وتأتي في أول الفيلوكاليتين: اليونانية والسلافونية. والمؤكد أنها منحولة، مثلها في ذلك مثل كل الكتابات المنسوبة إلى رائد حياة التوحيد (ما خلا رسالة إلى الأب ثيوذوروس). وهي مؤلفات رواقية، حورت فيها قليلاً يد مسيحية، وهي على كل، تمتاز بطابع ديني كبير

(15) يرجح أنه عاش في القرنين السابع – الثامن، ويذكره المؤرخون باسم الأسقف، حيناً، والراهب، حيناً آخر

(16) المسمى أيضاً: غريغوريوس بالاماس (1296- 1359)، وكان رئيس أساقفة تسالونيكي، ومن كبار لاهوتيي التقليد الإزيخي وألمع المدافعين عنه. وتعيد له الكنيسة الأرثوذكسية في الأحد الثاني من الصوم الكبير

(17) أحد الزهاد على طريقة مدرسة كاليستوس واغناطيوس كزانثوبولس أثر عنه كتيب (في الإزيخيا العملية)

(18) الحمام بناء خاص للاستحمام بالبخار، كان دارج الاستعمال في روسيا كلها. وكانوا يبعدونه عن باقي أجزاء البيت لتجنب أخطار الحريق

(19) راهب (300- 390) متوحد طيلة 60 سنة في صحراء سكيتيا وأصله من صعيد مصر، تتلمذ على يد القديس أنطونيوس الكبير

(20) هو مؤلف كتب في الزهد. يبدو أنه عاش في مطلع القرن الخامس، وهو من تلاميذ الذهبي الفم. كان رئيس دير أنقره من أعمال غلاطية ثم تنسك في صحراء اليهودية

(21) من كبار الآباء الشرقيين. واعظ في أنطاكية ثم بطريرك القسطنطينية. مات في المنفى عام 407. راجع: (في الكهنوت، أحاديث عن الزواج والرسائل إلى أولمبيا)، منشورات النور

(22) في حياة رئيس الكهنة حبقوق واقعة مماثلة لهذه: فقد كاد هذا أن يختنق بقطعة من السمك، لكن ابنته أغربينا (أسرعت إليه، كما يقول الكتاب، وضربت على ظهره بمرفقيها الصغيران، فخرج من حلقه خثرة دم واستطاع أن يتنفس

(23) إحدى مدن سيبيريا الشرقية وتقع على نهر انغرا، بالقرب من بحيرة بايكال. تقع اركوتسك وسط منطقة مناجم هامة مما جعل منها مركزاً صناعياً مزدحماً بالسكان نسبة لما يجاورها