Among the greetings that Paul the Apostle sends to the Corinthians at the end of his first letter to them is a greeting to the “domestic” churches of Aquila and Priscilla, which makes us undoubtedly recognize the existence of an “ecclesial” institution in the home and in the family. Thus Saint John Chrysostom calls the family “a little church in the home, like the whole church in the world.”

Marriage is an essential part of the Church and at the same time a symbol of it. Everything that characterizes the Church applies to marriage, because marriage is the union of believers in the unity of love, faith and the sacraments of eternal life. It is in itself a living mystery, the mystery of ever-increasing and perfecting love, and the Church is Jacob’s ladder and the meeting point of humanity living the divine life and God living the life of humanity, the Trinity manifested in humanity. What concerns marriage and constitutes the foundation of its mystery and its spirit, Chrysostom declared with incomparable force, saying that the union of spouses is not an image of human conditions but an image of God Himself.

Thus, the relationship of the conjugal community (the family) to the Church is not an external relationship, a relationship of a narrow institution to a broader institution, but rather it is more intimate than that. Likewise, the relationship of the Church to the family is an integrative relationship that works for the integrated and harmonious development of faith in the human heart.

The ecclesiastical character of the marital relationship, resulting from the presence of the Lord Jesus in the Holy Spirit in that relationship – as He was present at the wedding at Cana of Galilee (and even more intimately) – restores its human authenticity, because the true human being is the one who is revealed by divine light in the image of Jesus’ humanity. This authenticity is expressed in several aspects, including:

• The other becomes an end in himself and not just a means to satisfy lust or even to have children. He is loved for his own sake, so this love is unconditional and basically pledges the other for good, whatever his faults and mistakes.
• The sexual relationship between spouses is not an end in itself, but rather a language for expressing love and strengthening its bonds. It becomes a mutual “knowledge” (i.e. a deep ontological interpenetration through the meeting of bodies), according to the biblical phrase.
• Marital love becomes a giving love in the image of Christ’s love for the Church: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her…” and in the image of the Church’s love for Christ, which expresses itself through martyrdom in its various manifestations: “O holy martyrs…”
• In the marital relationship, if you live in the Church, there is no longer room for domination and enslavement, for that “war between the sexes” which is a tragic daily reality and which makes the man and woman consciously and unconsciously fight for control in the marital relationship. All of this is overcome by love if it is revealed in Christ and returns to its authenticity. There is no longer room in it for master and slave.

The above is a model that Christian couples aspire to. They need constant vigilance and struggle to be faithful to the grace given to them and thus walk through their marriage on the path of holiness. The family, in its profound Christian concept, is the goal of the divine creation of man and the final form that all humanity must ultimately reach. It is not just a form of human bonds that we can change with circumstances to reach another human goal. The ultimate human goal is to build a family, a family between husband, wife and children, and a comprehensive human family. In both families, God is the true Father. It is impossible for a family to exist without a God who governs it as Jesus governed the wedding at Cana in Galilee. Christ was present there and arranged things. For a man and a woman to be present is for Christ to dwell in them so that each of them may have a share in Him. Just as Christ died for the Church and thus became her Bridegroom, so the husband loves his wife and thus they strengthen their bond and unity.

However, the couple’s relationship and dialogue may become difficult and vulnerable, no matter how good their intentions are, due to the influence of several factors that affect their relationship, preventing them from seeing the other correctly and shackling love with childhood fears and demands. Here comes the role of the Church to work to change the way each spouse sees the other. The other is my partner and support, not my enemy. Pastors must help spouses understand that the other is a gift from God given to me to support me on the path to salvation. This also requires pastors to confront the problem of divorce anew. The important thing is not only to avoid divorce as much as possible, but also to help eliminate its causes. The important thing is not to keep the marriage at all costs, but to help revive the love that is the justification and meaning of marriage. This requires pastors not to be content with calling each spouse to accept his or her fate, thus consecrating the rift between them while formally preserving the institution, but to urge them to discover together what is hindering their love.

Today, more than ever, we need the family to be the subject of special care, that is, pastors should not be content with caring for its members individually. Rather, they should care for the family as a living, integrated unit, and care for the issues and problems raised by the unique pattern of relationships that make it up. We must free ourselves from the traditional pattern of care that prevails these days. Our current care is limited, at best, to visits to needy families as an “act of mercy,” quick traditional visits during seasons (theophany, intercession, etc.), and finally social invitations, especially to wealthy families! If we find anything else, it is not programmed and not purposeful.

Today we are in dire need of true care – which of course assumes that pastors are familiar with the psychosocial dimensions of the family – through seminars and family groups that regularly bring together “couples” who exchange experiences and discuss problems freely and frankly, inspired by the divine word and cooperating with each other to face difficulties and discover ways to achieve the image of Christ in their marital and family relationships. In their educational role, parents need to be role models and teachers, and this is what the Church provides through the interaction of her children in order to build each other up.

The Church must also do what it can to provide a healthy pattern of parent-child relationships. Pastors must help parents to acquire maturity, deep harmony and a clear evangelical vision of the meanings of fatherhood and authority, in order to secure the best conditions for a sound human education and an authentic Christian education of children in the family. For children, parents represent God. They are the true priests. As the great psychologist Fritz Kunkel wrote: “The child cannot distinguish between parents and God. For him, parents are God… If we are bad parents, the child learns that God is bad.”

Sometimes family problems are a reflection of a wrong theology. For example, when a father believes that God is a tyrant, he will treat his family members in a negative light. Likewise, if family members see the father as a tyrant, they will automatically assume that God is too. The Lord Jesus has taught us, through the parables of the Kingdom, much about God’s fatherly nature and care for us. Pastors should convey this image of God to families, in its correct form. The truth about God as Father gives the family a moral form and principles, and it also makes the family a constructive cell for peace and human unity in spirit and faith.

The secular spirit, the spirit of this world, is raging. Religious and social mixing creates a dangerous hybrid reality for us. The media is trying to steal the future from us and corrupt Christ’s sheep from within, in our own home, in the Christian home, in the first cell of the Church. Therefore, today there is no alternative to shepherds and fathers, in the full sense of the word, who understand, embrace, correct and guide so that our families may become a spacious place of grace and sanctification.

Ramy Sherbek
Fourth year theology student -at the time of writing this page- - St. John of Damascus Institute of Theology - Balamand University.
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