introduction

In Christianity in particular, the family structure does not constitute a system of life, but its purpose and way of living. Life in Christianity is not the life of an individual. Because, from our anthropological point of view, human life cannot exist alone. “It is not good for man to be alone. Let us make for him a helper for him.” These are the first words of the Holy Bible. Christianity is a religion of individualism. Do not look at man as an animal entity seeking his daily livelihood within the framework of birth, growth, and death alone. Life for Christianity is the personal relationship, without which what the book says applies to life: “What does it benefit a person if he gains the whole world and loses his own soul?” And “his soul” here does not mean his livelihood, but “his life with others,” that is, his personality. By a word that is very specific and comprehensive in Christianity, by “himself” we mean here his spiritual life as a person with God and neighbor. This is what it means

Some of our theological statements, which sometimes seem to some to be like rigid statements, are, on the contrary, a common and living human experience for all people, such as, for example, “Salvation is not individual.”

We do not treat the “family issue” Christianly as we merely study a social structure. Because the “family”, in its deep and comprehensive Christian concept, is the goal of the divine creation of man and is the final form to which all humanity must reach in the end. It is not merely a form of human ties, which we can change with circumstances to reach another human goal. The ultimate human goal is to build a family, a family between husband, wife and children, and a comprehensive human family. In both families, God is the true father. This theory does not seem ideal to us! On the contrary, the disintegration of some family aspects, in our opinion, is due to the fact that this natural family bond does not develop towards this spiritual family. Perhaps all the disintegration and problems that we observe today are merely a gestation that rejects ideas in the current family structures and constitutes the beginning of the birth of the true family that God the Father takes care of. We hope that this will be the case, or at least let us strive to build the family spiritually.

As much as we believe that this “family” bond is valuable, we must strive to develop it, and even help it reach its ideal image. Let us not forget that everything that is social, corporate, and collective is dynamic because, as we believe Christianly, it is essentially divine. What is divine is in constant motion. We must stay up for the best. There is nothing inevitable or destiny, but everything is a bet. The divine call is before us and its application is in our hands. We seek, relying on the light of the Book and the satisfaction of the Divine Eye, and grace sustains us when we submit to it.

Family in the Old Testament

It has been the family from the moment of creation, and it has been His purpose. When God created Adam, he did not find it good without “having another to replace him.” In order to survive, a person must live with others. The bond of marriage and procreation is the strongest and most beautiful of all bonds in human life. It is the first bond that he wants to build, and indeed it comes from him and accompanies him according to nature throughout the first essential years of his life. Even if he is freed from it once in the worst case, he seeks to build something similar to it in the end.

God has deposited in the heart of man a motive for marriage, and He has also made procreation and the passion for motherhood a natural inclination and possibility. The book, through God’s tongue, called the woman “Eve,” meaning the mother of life, because she is the instrument of procreation, but with an inclination and desire, even if this procreation will take place through pain and suffering. However, When you give birth, you will be happy and forget that pain. In the narratives of the book, this tendency reached the point of some women insisting on God and crying out to Him, “Give me a son, or else I will die.” The book praises some of those who had to resort to tricks and other methods in order to have children and build a family, such as Sarah and Lot’s daughters. God has implanted the love of motherhood in the nature of a woman. When she becomes a mother, she rejoices. That is why Eve exclaimed joyfully at her birth: “I have been blessed with a man by the Lord,” and she named him Cain, meaning I acquired him from God. The name Isaac reminds us of Sarah’s “laughter” and joy at the time of his birth. Indeed, having children arouses a man’s attachment to his wife. It seems, in the book, that God intervenes in history and promises “seeds equal in number to the stars of the sky and the sand on the seashore.” The Book of Genesis is full of generational history of the fulfillment of the divine command: “Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth.” The family bond is the sound framework for the picture of human life, when the latter is also sound.

The family and its relationships remained the ideal form for all forms of cooperation and human gathering. The tribe and clan want to form a “family” or be like it. The tribes were called “the House of Joseph” and “the House of Israel”... as they want to be imagined like a family. One of the most beautiful expressions of peace and reassurance remains in the human conscience: “The fatherly home.”

The issue of procreation and the number of children occupies an important position in the book in its ancient era, as it is considered the primary goal of marriage, and a family rich in children seems to be the ideal, and “not having children remains a disgrace among the people” and a weakness. Through procreation, existence is immortalized and continuity of lineage and name is achieved. In the Old Testament, fertility is a duty, and not having children leads to bloodshed.

Although God has deposited in the hearts of humans the desire for family life and brotherhood and recommended it. But this wish will not become a sound reality until after a long journey. Because the story of the human beings, as the book reads it from its beginning, is the story of “brotherhood and a broken family.” This is Cain killing his brother Abel out of envy, so much so that he does not want to know where his brother is, and disavows the bond that God established. This family bond and the ideal of life always clash with the hardness of people's hearts. Since Adam and his fall, humanity has been under the yoke of sin, between obedience and disobedience, the bonds of family ties being strengthened or dismantled. Therefore, along with the wrong images, the correct images are also accompanied: Abraham transcends specific situations to cooperate with Lot by virtue of family ties, Jacob reconciles with Esau, and Joseph forgives his brothers.

What distinguishes biblical Christian thought on the subject of the family is two things. The first is that the family, which consists of husband, wife, and children, is only part of the whole human family. The second matter is the reason for the first, that God is the true father of every family, every person, and all of humanity. “The parent” is the parent, not the father. Because God the Father is the Father. A father gives birth in order to hand his children over to their real father. In the Old Testament, the people used to gather at the Passover table and eat that sacred family meal in a social and religious tradition. The whole family would gather around the table, leaving the head of the table empty, out of belief that this place, the head, belongs to God, the true Father, while the parents would sit as members and older brothers on both sides of the table that has one Father, who is God.

The family in the New Testament

The true and final picture of the family, although it took pictures and references in the Old Testament, was not complete until Jesus came in the New Testament. The family bond began to take its true, spiritual form, after it had been based on race and blood only. It appears in the teaching of the New Testament that the family bond is sacred, but for this reason it carries a more spiritual bond than it is just physical. Without this spiritual relationship, the physical bond is of no use. This spiritual relationship does not have a social basis, that is, it is not only about maintaining ties such as love and coexistence. Rather, it basically stems from the idea of defining the father and the true role of the father, mother, and children in the family, that is, determining the purpose of the family structure of life.

Therefore, Jesus does not hesitate to encourage “voluntary sterility,” because virginity in the end does not eliminate the true family as much as it enhances its bond. That is, virginity establishes God as the Father of people, even without the experience of marriage. It achieves the “spiritual family” by leaping above the normal means of public life. It directly reaches the goal of human life. Here, the New Testament demonstrates its radical shift in purifying the purpose of family life, as it moves the purpose from “procreation” to “salvation,” and from “numbers” to relationship!”

Jesus came into the world to reveal to people who their “Father” is: “And this is life, that they may know you (Father), you are the true God, and you have sent Jesus Christ.” Therefore, when the disciples asked him, “Teach us to pray,” he answered, “Pray like this,” “Our Father who art in heaven.” The Old Testament gave God the image of the father and the image of the mother, as an expression of His tenderness and care. But the New Testament emphasizes that God is a Father not in the quality of His tenderness, but in the quality of His membership.

Therefore, Christianity differs from many philosophical and humanitarian trends. While the world claims to establish “fraternal and organized relations” between humans, Christian thought wants to build a “family relationship.” There is no human brotherhood without a father. From the level of the small family to the level of the entire inhabited earth, the Holy Bible reveals that the true bond that unites people is none other than “the Father,” who is God. This father has one large family, which is the entire inhabited world, made up of small families.

Why was the Son of the Holy Trinity incarnated? A question asked by Saint Maximus and answered: In order for God to appear as a Father, when Jesus will call God: “Abba, Father.” This expression is equivalent to our expression, “Dad,” and carries a kind of meaning that was not known before Jesus. The Apostle Paul uses this same phrase for us, when he declares that through the Holy Spirit we too can say “Abba” to the Father. Thus, through Jesus’ sonship to the Father, the new covenant arrives at the revelation of the complete image of the Father and the comprehensive fatherhood of God for all human beings. Jesus on the cross “became the firstborn of many brothers” and he called people brothers. Therefore, they are brothers among themselves by virtue of faith in God the Father, who became through new birth, and He “is not ashamed to call them brothers.” God has adopted us as His children and Jesus is the firstborn son.

Hence Abraham is the father of the believers. His descendants are the ones who do his deeds, not those descended from his race, as they are the ones who preserve the blessings. Through baptism, a new offspring family is created according to promise and not according to the flesh. Therefore, the family will not be real and the bond within it will not be established if it does not carry this promise and pass it on to its children.

The Old Testament initiated the construction of this spiritual concept of the family, but only through natural birth, and realistic practice did not recognize God as a Father until the New Testament came, making the spiritual relationship with God the Father as the basis of even the natural family bond between parents and children. The family is the place of inheritance of promises. Therefore, natural ties are not sufficient for it, but rather the basis for it are spiritual ties. This happens in practice when the church becomes its “mother.” Mary always represents the image of the Church (Mother). That is why the Apostle Paul likened Christian marriage to the relationship of a man and a woman, where the family becomes a sacrament to produce children for God. The true spiritual family is God the Father - the Father and the Mother Church. The last true family is the Church, the heavenly Jerusalem, coming down from heaven, gathered around God and giving birth to its children for the life of the children of God. This patriarchal meaning of God and matriarchal meaning of the Church is devoid of any image such as that of the Semitic gods and Baal, who gives fertility to animals and humans. This is spiritual fatherhood and motherhood and spiritual offspring. We do not say that it is superior to physical human offspring, but rather it awaits the latter to achieve its identity in it spiritually.

Father, parent and spiritual family

The Christian view of the family distinguishes between the “Father,” who is God, and the father and mother. Therefore, the role of father and mother takes on sanctity in terms of its nature as a link that leads the children to their real father. Therefore, in the Christian view, a true family is not a group consisting of a husband, wife, and children only. The family cannot be built without the father, and he is God, of course, not the father. This is what human experience tells us, as shown by the popular proverb: “If your son grows older than his brother.” The father and mother are the older brothers who take care of raising the children and building the family with the Father - God. From this perspective, according to Chrysostom’s words, “a parent who does not lead his children to their heavenly Father is rather a murderer.” Children constitute a “deposit” for the family and a treasure that must be preserved and built properly.

Emphasizing the concept of the “spiritual family” does not mean canceling the natural family bond. It does not mean that the realization of the divine family consisting of all human beings around their one heavenly Father takes place without the natural family bond. Far from it! Rather, this emphasis aims to confirm the role and nature of the natural family with the two conditions mentioned. The family is a sacred bond, but it must remain included in the obsession of building the ecumenical family and not in a racist, ethnic, or other direction... The second condition is that God maintains his true position as Father. Natural families are the cells of the body of one large family, and God the Father occupies the position of father in the small and large family.

Therefore, even though Jesus had to be his father (the Father), he was at the same time “subject to them” (to Mary and Joseph). The Lord Jesus reaffirmed the fourth commandment based on respect for parents, and until the last moment he cared for his mother and handed her over to his beloved disciple. But he also included his student in his natural family when he said to him, “This is your mother,” not through skin, but because of love and spiritual bond as well. It is inferred from the event of the wedding in Cana of Galilee, when Jesus fulfilled his mother’s wish, even though his hour had not come and her request came prematurely, that is, not in its time. This shows the importance and strength of Jesus’ natural family bond and his respect and acceptance of it, despite the priority of the spiritual bond.

It is not surprising to see disturbances between parents and children when the true nature of parents, which is spiritual care, is absent. “A father is not the one who gives birth, but the one who raises.” From here arises in tradition an emphasis on the image of the “domestic church.” This word appears in the words of the Apostle Paul, and the image became a proverb to express the truth of the family: there is then the father, mother, and children united in love and understanding, bound by Christian virtues, “with Christ in their midst.” The family is a small church in a house, just like the whole church in the world. The family is a small paradise, but only when these spiritual bonds are achieved and the Holy Bible is read. That is why the book and the patristic tradition place great emphasis on the role of education, “There is nothing more important than this art, nor more sublime than forming a human being’s personality and creating his correct mentality.” It is the art of cultivating the fear of God, which is the beginning of wisdom, with all the comprehensiveness that this word carries in life, piety, faith, connection to God the Father, and connection to His care. All of them are the true legacy that must be transmitted across generations, from parents to children. This is the ideal family, in which this tradition and continuity between parents and children appears.

This upbringing of a person affects the aspects of his knowledge more than it is affected by his nature. This upbringing takes place in the family, and from here the latter takes on its importance, as it is the path to this life and its goal as well. Therefore, its natural connections must not be emptied of the spiritual content that they originally have, otherwise they would lose their purpose and cause. The truth of God as Father gives the family a moral formula and principles, and it also makes this family a constructive cell for peace and human unity in spirit and faith.

Perhaps among the most important aspects that Christian thought should pay attention to, or that we should return to in order to address them, are:

1- The purpose of marriage and choosing a partner:

(…) There is no doubt that love and freedom are the basic conditions for the establishment of a blessed family. This is why the tradition of “engagement” arose in the Church, which is the necessary period for acquaintance, preparation, and the test of free decision and true love between the two parties. But there are many factors that make this love and freedom possible, all of which must be taken into account. What Christian thought wants to consider among all these factors is completely subordinate to the purpose for which the family is built, which are those spiritual concepts, which are the reason for the connection of two people in the life of marriage. The conditions for separation are exactly those that affect this goal and these spiritual concepts. Indeed, one of the “blessed strangeness” is the Church’s acceptance of the separation of a couple when the two decide, freely and willingly, to separate in order to both go into monastic life and become united. This path also places them in God’s family and His children, and this is not considered a demolition of a life partnership, but rather a common progress, which is similar to placing our sonship to God in front of our obedience to Him in His spiritual family.

There is no doubt that today many criteria play a role in choosing a partner, but when they deviate from the spiritual roots of the family, they will leave bad effects after the engagement, which may lead to the failure of the marriage to continue. Personal whims, selfishness, lack of practice in Christian virtues, and the dominance of the spirituality of consumer society’s thought further disintegrate family ties. Christian virtues, such as forgiveness, humility, sacrifice, sincere love, and respect, are true conditions for the continuation of the family bond.

2- Family disintegration:

In our view, the disintegration of the family is due to the forgetting of that true, spiritual image of the family, and to the absence of this final goal, which is the acquisition of “divine adoption” for us as a personal life in which God is the Father of the entire family. Here we would like to point out some aspects that seem strange to the image of the family in the Bible, and which therefore constitute weak points in the family structure in our days, and individually or collectively cause reasons for separation, disintegration, and divorce: A) Delayed age of stability, due to the life of study, achievement, and preparation that extended over a period of time. A period of human life much longer than before; b) Rapid and early departure from the family for two reasons: the first is the fundamental weakness of the family bond, especially due to the absence of the brother and sister in home life, and the second is perhaps the study conditions that many times require leaving the parental home, or even the work conditions; C) The consumer society, which mentally puts pressure on young men and women in terms of, firstly, working hours and restricting free time, and casts doubt on the most important principles of shared life, such as friendship and sacrifice, and spreads the values of profit and individual life with its own interests and moods. Such an environment accompanies a person with its rationality in his marital life, making this life lacking in many of its basic components.

3- Family planning:

This issue torments our societies and the lives of people everywhere, and even more so the religious thought itself in almost all religions. It seems to religions that preventing procreation, in its many ways, is a type of preventing the work of the Creator and blocking His divine blessing. Even in Christian circles there are differing opinions about this. We do not believe that addressing this issue has social, economic, or even religious dimensions. Rather, we believe that spiritual conditions are the only justification for the existence of a family, as they are the only justification that can be behind the birth of a large or small number of children. Without a spiritual justification that matches the spiritual concept of the family presented above, procreation is not justified, nor is its limit justified either. There is no doubt that childbearing in the family can be organized temporally and numerically, and this must be done in the life of the family today to preserve it and its very spiritual nature. But it must all be done in a spirit of organization and not specificity. The Church encourages procreation and the increase of children without disturbing the spiritual conditions of the family because of this.

Metropolitan Boulos Yazigi
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